Forbearance

female druid forms

2010-10-27T11:18:00.007-06:00

Someone asked for female druid forms at blizzcon. Initially, I thought omg that's so dumb, what a gigantic waste of a question! Look at that tree out the window. Is that a boy tree or a girl tree? I don't know. I'm a bond trader, not a botanist. I don't know. How about this bear. Is this a momma bear or pappa bear John Patricelli dancing after scoring the headless horseman mount?

Again, I don't know. In fact, even bears have to sniff each other's butt to tell boys and girls apart. There's no such thing as "female druid form"!... then someone pointed out the mane on horde cats... oohhhh....

Horde cats are definitely males. You know how I know? Because I was a lion in my previous life. I distinctly remember prowling the Savannah going toe to toe with the incumbent King. At stake was the supremacy over the 11th district pride, exclusive shagging rights with all the lionesses, child alimony of 4 fuzzy cuddly cubs, and dibs on prime zebra cuts. I was a boy and I had a mane; therefore, horde cats are males. Quode Erat Demonstrandum.

So, I've determined that a request for female druid forms is perfectly legitimate and merits blizzard's thoughtful considerations.

Here's another one: "...I wonder if we can have some that didn't look like they came out of a Victoria's Secrets catalogue?"

The question's vague. Was she asking for A) Realistic and Diverse Body Figures; or B) Realistic Battle Gears (i.e., No Plate Bikinis).

I'm guessing it's B (she could have easily referenced Hanes Her Way Plus Size catalog, but Victoria Secret is more mainstream).

First, let me address the practicality of skimpy armors. In my previous life, I served as one of King Leonidas' chief lieutenants. I was the leader of the 3rd platoon, which covers the left flank on the 1-3-1 potato wedge formation. The Spartan army had standard-issue plate armors, but us here at the Special Forces rocked nothing but the purple Speedos. You see, we fought as a single, impenetratable Phalax. Everyone protects the soldier left of him from thigh to neck with the shield. We didn't plan on getting hit, so the heavy armors were just cumbersome weight hindering our mobility.

Mobility wins games. My oozing sex appeal was merely a secondary effect. Speedos are very real (as attested by the recorded memory of my previous life) and practical (did Spartans win?).

With that said, I can see why some women don't like skimpy armors. Even though I'm not a woman, I'm a chic, metrosexual yuppie who regularly scores above 95th percentile on any type of standardized Emotional Quotient tests (that means I have superb abilities to see things from other people's perspective)....damn it... I have no idea where I'm going with this... mebee I'll finish later.

Who Moved My Cheese?

2010-10-19T10:18:00.003-06:00

I like comfort zone. I hate getting out of the bed. I like status quo. I hate change.

1) With the inception of Plate Specialization, I had to put away my ilvl 277 Emporio Armani leather cinch and buy me a stupid emblem plate belt. I’m a dorf, so the huge-ass Triple H belt comes up to my nipples. The graphic looks like I’ve tucked the luscious pleated beard UNDER the belt. I’ve seen the blizz employee group photo, and I’m positive none of them has read a single issue of GQ in the past 8 years, so: beards, neck ties and sports coats go OVER the belt.

Speaking of Tripple H, his mother-in-law (the wife of Vince McMahon) is running for the Senate in Connecticut.

2) I'm having trouble getting acclimated to 4.0.1 spell animations. I can't tell the friendly spells apart from teh bad. You know that inauspicious green pool druids drop? I instinctively bolted out of it, because it looks like death and decay. Healers told me it's a warm safe place where as a child I'd hide and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by. LIARS! I don't feel safe in it.

Also, holy pallies are shooting lazers out of their hands.

3) If you aren't a raiding paladin, you probably have no clue what flamboyant luxury this is: I click one button and it buffs the whole raid. When I saw the consolidated pally buff in action, I stood there holding back tears and covering my mouth with hands so the feeling doesn't escape... It's glorious.

p.s. Rivs wrote me an email to ask where I was and if I was okay. He's the only one that cares. The sisterhood is all about caring and solidarity, so Rivs gets to wear the traveling pants this week.

Prot Warriors on Prot Pallies

2010-09-09T17:42:00.003-06:00

First, please keep cata spoilers out of reach of children (and me).

Is it because I don’t like opening Christmas presents on Thanksgiving? Not really. What I fear is much worse. The memory of my 8th grade Christmas still lingers... I thought I was getting Nintendo 64, but I got a Santa Clause sweater instead. It scarred me for life.

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Warriors are way cooler than paladins, period. If I could do it all over, I'd be a male orc fury warrior named HelloScream. I'm telling you, if I were a SM wielding fury warrior, things would be different. Echo Isles would have been reclaimed at 3.0, Whirlwind and Cleave would have gone through series of massive nerfs, and the world financial markets would have never seen the credit-induced recession. My DPS be infusing more liquidity to the system than the TARP fund.

No one does a better job of bashing on paladins than me. I take pride in that. Today, however, I feel obliged to bash on all the insecure prot warriors making fun of prot pally rotation. Why you gotta be giving them poor saps inferiority complex?

I am a ret pally... so watching the how to play priest video on youtube, I felt like a McDonald's employee sitting in a particle physics lecture. double u tee eff.

Now, prot warriors busting on prot pally rotation is like a Taco Bell employee making fun of McDonald's employee: LOLOL your auto fry timer is so faceroll. L2 think outside the buns you nubs!

GTFO. Prot pally rotation is lulz easy and prot warrior rotation is stupid easy. They're both ridiculously easy. If you find that prot warrior mechanic is even remotely close to anything having the slightest nuance of "difficult" or "challenging", you aren't qualified to be a tank. Go roll a retpally.

What are you doing "thinking" about your rotation anyways? It should be like breathing. Do you sit there consciously observing the intricacies of inhale/exhale mechanics? It should just float off your finger tips while you tend to the real task: orchestrating the efforts of clueless scrubs running around flopping they arms.

Do you know what separates pro tanks from amateur tanks? Hint: It's not the rotation.

Auto follow?

2010-09-01T10:57:00.006-06:00

Larisa had an awesome blog topic: Players I admire and players I look down on.

Players I Admire

1) Mages who top the decurse count on LDW. I don’t know which one of our three mages is doing it, but he is so fast I don’t even know I was inflicted until I parse the log. A mage undoing that many curses that fast has to be proactively looking for shit to decurse. He’s got no qualms about sacrificing his GCD for the team.

Me? I throw a tantrum when I have to rebuff Kings on brezed players. These resurrected assholes are making me burn my precious GCD on them. It's MY GCD.

When someone calls for Salv, I just feign ignorance. Again, it's MY GCD. I love me and since they're not me, I don't care.

2) Warlocks specced for Demonic Pact and hunters speced & glyphed for Improved Hunter’s Mark. These folks would rank right below Ghandi on Moslow’s Pyramid. Think about it: they are purposely gimping their dps to benefit the others… that is a fascinating concept I can’t quite grasp… our demo lock voluntarily descended to the bottom of the recount for the silly humanity. He then fed us with two fish feast and five loaves of felbread. He is Jesus.

Players I Look Down On

1) Players who are habitually late to the raid. There’s a clear distinction between being friendly and being respectful. If I throw a hissy fit because you always show up 10-15 minutes late, it’s not that I’m being unfriendly. The problem is that you’re a disrespectful asshole. It’s not that you don’t have time. The problem is that you fail at time management.

2) Players who go AFK during Freya trash. The scrub didn’t understand why we were so upset since we don't really need all 25 to clear the place. My GM ripped into him: “Auto follow? You were on auto follow? Do you know what I would do if my girlfriend had me on auto follow? I would kill her by standing at the edge of the water and turning until her head is completely submerged. Auto follow? Fucking auto follow?”

3) Back-seat raid leaders. These people are hilarious. Tell me if this sounds familiar: It’s 3rd and 5. You’re trailing by 6 with 2 minutes left. You’re running no-huddle offense. The QB calls out the play: Red 39 Z-fly Go! The tight end interrupts him with an audible “No no that’s stupid! Power I power I.” The right tackle won’t even settle down “No, I’m reading John Madden StratFu right now. It says… wait… give me a minute.”

summer is fun

2010-08-26T13:33:00.002-06:00

Hello!

Summer is fun times. We've been picking up quality applicants as guilds blow up left and right. We're gonna finish Wotlk as the server #1 by default. We're like the Bubba Gump shrimp boat that survived the pre-expansion summer slump tsunami.

There's this sick boomkin recruit from former world top 200 guild dishing out dps I thought boomkins weren't allow to dish out. He's beating out our Ninja Mage Tripod and the Elite Ranger Plate DPS Corps, which includes a Shadowmourne DK and the Jong. It's weird getting skooled by a boomkin. I don't know how to cope with this feeling.

Oh, and there's this shadow priest who introduced himself as "the 3rd best shadow priest in the world" on his app. Are you cereal? Joo gon' come into my house (The House of Self Delusion and Unapologetic Ego) and blurt out them fighting words? Do you realize what kinda substance you've got to put out to collateralize claims like that?... I LOVE IT! I can't wait to see how he measures up against our resident spriest.
==================

We're getting H Halion down to P3 fairly consistently. I think we'll get him in a couple weeks. For those who haven't seen it, the hardmode twilight realm spawns Bella and Edward and it's really annoying.

I overcame the challenges of the crossing twilight cutters by 1) tapping into the prefrontal cortex via daily Tai Chi routine to unleash my leet visuo-spatial skillz; and 2) truly believing that I am a butterfly-- butterfiles never die to twilight cutters.

at taco bell

2010-08-24T11:17:00.004-06:00

The line is being held up because the guy in front of me can’t decide. He’s leaning on the counter to indicate that he has no intention of letting others order ahead. Hrmmmmm… he’s intently contemplating the warm tortillas of Carnita Chicken against the pillowy flatbred of Gordita Baja, because choosing the wrong combo meal would initiate the launching sequence for the nuclear missile that would decimate the entire city of New York. Wtf? How can you not know what you want at Taco Bell? I know what I want at Taco Bell the day before I get there.

So, it's my turn. The cashier can’t figure out how to punch in “one volcano burrito and medium mountain dew please” into the cash register that looks like my niece’s Fisher Price Animal Sounds Farm. I bet if I reached over and pushed the big-ass brown button that says VOLCANO BURRITO, the register would sound off moooooo. I’ll bet all my wow gold and my burrito that this girl would fuck up the blood queen bite assignment.

DHETA

2010-08-19T08:08:00.003-06:00

I'm not a lore person and there are many story lines I can't quite connect. For example, how am I saving mammoth calves for DHETA and killing 60 game animals for Hemet Nesingwary all in the same week?

Isn't completing DHETA's Little PITA and Nessingwary: The Collected Quests kinda like being a spokesperson for Coke and Pepsi at the same time?... I do like riding around my polar bear singing bah bah bah bah the Joooooy of Pepsiiiiiiii~

I didn't make the best first impression with DHETA. I was running back to the camp all proud with a huge-ass smile: Look! Look! I done all your quests just like you told me to!

Instead of giving me an 'attaboy, Arch Druid Lathorius body-slammed me to the ground and stepped on my throat. You have no idea how confused I was. I mean, Zaza was in tears as she was kicking my face in: You bastard! You killed a baby mammoth!

Relax you hippies. I didn't know*, okay?

*What I didn't know was that the quest comes with a hammer to break the trap. So, I targeted the baby mammoth and divine stormed to... you know, break the trap.

this is injustice!

2010-08-17T10:34:00.008-06:00

It's been confirmed (through the mighty twitter) that blizz is taking treeform away from druids. This is definitely the doing of Applebough, the invidious, jaundiced Dalaran fruit vendor of luscious leaves. Averna was right all along.
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You know how I feel about pally bubble (Pally Spell Mage Spell).

Blizz refuses to admit that they don't have a clue how to balance the game around bubble, just as the Canadians won't admit that Canadian bacon is really ham. Ham. Say it! Hammmmm.

Bubble is the only spell in the game that lacks style and substance at the same time. If fury warriors can survive hardmode encounters in Take Extra Damage Stance, I sure don't need INVINCIBILITY on top of insta-cast FoL and LoH. Go ask your girlfriend, "hey babe, if you saw me bubbling in the heat of battle, would you be kinda turned on or would you think I'm the biggest unsportsmanlike pussy?"

What upsets me is that they have no qualms about pissing on the quintescence of druids, but they refuse to acquiesce to the monstrous stupidity of bubble in the name of preserving a pally signature move.

Admit it. Say, my bad dog, and do away with it you stubborn befuddle jackasses.

papa lion baby lion meerkat warthog

2010-08-10T07:11:00.000-06:00

@Rhidach

2010-08-09T18:20:00.005-06:00

So, I got this crappy shield. It's totally a warrior shield, imo. I don't know what to do with it, but I gemmed and enchanted it with the proper respect it deserves. I know ignoring socket bonus is bad, but I don't need more spell power.Imma take it for a spin at the Storm Peaks!

EDIT: I do believe in karma, but my luck with drops/rolls is so bad, things can't get any worse unless blizz starts allowing for negative integers. So I dun care.
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The Adventures of Neci the Arcane Mage

Can you guess which instance this is? Curse you scrubby pug dps who just happens to be a warlock when I'm on my mage!
This is from the time I ran into that hilarious gangster pug tank constantly bickering with the healer, but somehow managed to take us all the way to Anub.
This one's for Anea.

have a nice weekend!

2010-08-06T19:51:00.005-06:00

Antigen made a twitter, so I wanted one too. I had difficult time finding the website, because I kept googling tweeter. People say tweet tweet, not twit twit, so I thought it was spelled like that.

I came across lots of familiar looking icons, and I subscribed to all the sexy people I liked. I also subscribed to Rivs.

Okay, if Nelchalan of Gravedust hasn't submitted an entry for Vid's best dressed pally contest, I'd like to put this in on his behalf.
This should really be a t-shirt. He drew Ari's priest and it's pretty cool.

our loot culture

2010-08-03T12:55:00.004-06:00

Breevok said:

NOT A SINGLE SET OF LOOT RULES ANYWHERE, is perfect. Every set of rules can be stretched and loopholes found - lawyers have been making millions all across the planet on this premise.

Very true. The intricacy and sophistication of loot rules, in itself, has no virtue. It’s all about the maturity and quality of loot participants. Loot rules don’t need an addendum; looters need an introspection.

This is the explanation of our loot guideline to the guild applicants in its entirety: Roll to indicate interest. You must practice good judgment to ensure equitable loot distribution.

Some of you are probably thinking, "What exploitable frailty and imperfection! I could drive a Boeing 737 through that loophole if I knew how to drive a Boeing 737." I know, but it’s worked for us with 100% efficiency and 0% drama, because we are awesome. It can get annoying at times because two people are trying to pass an obviously desired loot to each other and they sound like my sister and her boyfriend on the phone:

“No, YOU hang up first”
“No, YOU.”
“Okay, okay, okay, how about we hang up at the same time?”
“Okay, One. Twoooooo. Three!”
“Tee hee hee hee hee hee omg why didn’t you hang up?”
“You were supposed to hang up too!”

When I first told about the loot culture, I knew exactly what was expected of me, because I learned that stuff in kindergarten. You’d be surprised at the number of grown-up applicants who didn’t make the final cut because they don’t get it. I realize most of them weren’t privileged to attend the Elite Ivy League Kindergarten for Ninjas like I was, but still, even the third-rate redneck kindergartens teach you how to share.

There are so many myopic idiots who’d kill the goose for an extra golden egg. Why on earth would you kick the goose’s balls, hurt its feeling, and kill it? If I had a goose like that, I hug it, feed it, and say nice things to it everyday.

this is repost of something I pulled long time ago

2010-08-02T10:27:00.008-06:00

Jong is my real name. My grandpa consulted village elders to get this name, and it means great deeds at the break of dawn or something like that. I guess they wanted me to deliver milk or newspaper when I grew up. I have no idea how Asians fit so much meaning into one syllable. If you work at Burger King, and my dad comes up to you and says whoppaaaaa, give him the whopper combo meal extra cheese no tomato no mayo with diet coke, because that’s what he means.

I am terrible at naming things. I spazed out infront of the character creation screen, picked out the whitest blond belf, and gave it an Asian name. Luckily, I wasn’t on an RP server.

“Bal’a dash, malanore. I am High Arcanist Thesta’lonicleus of Eversong Woods. Where dost thou hail from?”

“Oh, herro Testicle of Nickle LOLs. I am the whitest blond belf. My name Jong Kung-Pow of Shaolin Wootang Tigers.”

“…”

“…”

“Uh… well… Al diel shala, and may the Gates of Sin’dorei be open for you, always.”

“Oh, ssang kyu. Extra egg foo-yong for you everyday too.

The Manner and Timing of Feedbacks

2010-07-30T13:09:00.007-06:00

Sandy is an awesome pup I used to have in high school. He looks like a corehound except he has one head. He’s the best dog ever, but training him was so hard I almost thought about naming him Hemi, short for hemorrhoid.

When he humps on an unsuspecting guest’s leg, I don’t wait until the traumatized guest leaves to say things like, “Yeah Sandy, that was totally appropriate. Really, like Rico Suave smooth”, because a) he doesn’t understand sarcasm and b) he won’t remember the particular incident I’m referring to.

To make the lesson work, I have to kick the shit out of him right then and there to engrave humping stranger’s leg = getting slobber knocked across the room into his pitbull dps brain.
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I don’t like fires, void zones, and other general bad things that tick away chunks of hp. The ticking mechanic places undue stress on healers for other people’s stupidity. Plus, if it CAN be healed through, the dps has no clue why he’s suddenly the center of sarcastic, angry post-fight evaluation. Muh? Huh?

I like Algalon’s void zones that shoot fiery geyser up your butt 50 feet into the air and one-shot you in a spectacular display of nubness. Embarrasingly crystal-clear instant feedback for all avoidable raid damage is what I’m talking about.

10M Strict

2010-07-29T11:11:00.001-06:00

If I were guildless right now, I find me a nice 10M strict progression guild. I would’ve applied to Hana’s guild. She was looking for a charming charismatic ret pally that can off tank and omg that’s me.

Normalized for head count and gearscore, I don’t think there are material differences in the level of technical difficulty between 10man and 25man contents. However, coordinating the schedule and focus of 25 people are exponentially more difficult than doing it with 10 people. Logistical and managerial challenges for 10 selfish bastards are a picnic compared to those for 25 selfish bastards.

To that end, 25 mans are way more difficult than 10 mans, but for the wrong reasons. I wanna be rewarded for my ninja reflexes and unparallel finger sliding skills, not for my abilities to play nicely with other people. I don’t care about them. I love me, and since they’re not me, I don’t care.

Fun fact for the EJ ret pally forum readers: Redcape, an undisputed authority figure in ret pally theory crafting, plays on my server and he’s part of Ogg Gulnath Tago, a ballin 10M strict progression guild ranked 11th in the world. These guys beat out people wearing heroic 25M gears through 10M contents.

I saw him sitting near dal bank and I pissed myself. I ran over to him and asked politely if he would please sign my spreadsheet, but he didn’t respond.

Fine you jerk. I prefer Bellator’s spreadsheet anyways.

For the Horde

2010-07-27T10:39:00.017-06:00

Pugging Pally did an allegiance survey. Although the sample size wasn't big enough to warrant definitive conclusions, I can't believe there are so many Alliances.

I play Alliance only because the best guild on guildland happens to be Alliance. I wanna be Horde so bad I'm seriously considereing financing the faction transfer for the entire guild.
To me, humans of Stormwind are central to Alliance creed and culture. They paint the picture of Western Christian military orders endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church around 12th century. Blizzard did ctrl+h to replace all reference to God with the Light. They also replaced Knights Templar spooning on horseback with Pallies bubble hearthing.

How am I supposed to draw any sense of pride or allegiance from this?

The Alliance battle cry--I guess the heroism sound effect?-- sounds to me like the cheers of teary-eyed teenagers swearing abstinence till marriage at Amy Grant concert.

The Horde battle cry starts with sick Double Bass War Drum solo and deafning vuvuzela. It ends with ah-woo ah-woo, the correct answer to King Leonidas' question: "Spartans, what is your profession?"

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Dear King Slayers who knocked on Pike of the Shattered Sun:

I think people walking around with King Slayer is as annoying as people who put MBA on their business card. Take it off. Nobody cares about your lulz degree from some 2nd-rate business school.

Sincerely,

Jong Hellscream, MBA
VP of Ah-Woo Ah-Woo

pally spell mage spell

2010-07-21T10:36:00.006-06:00

I consider two factors when deciding which spells I like/don’t like: utility and coolness. For example, warrior charge (or intercept) is extremely useful and just about the coolest thing. So 10/10. Blood Lust? Ditto 10/10. While Heroism is as powerful as BL, its sound effect is male belf vidal sasson shampoo commercial ahhhhhh. So 8/10.

The worst spell under my rating system is Divine Shield. There’s no way anyone can be angry or maintain a gangster swagger while eating ice cream. Likewise, there’s no way anyone, not even Miles Davis, to be cool while sitting in a bubble. It sits on the left-most point of the cool spectrum and the very premise for ret pallies having to eat alone at the lunch table.

In PvP, it’s crazy op and widely regarded as unsportsmanlike conduct. In PvE, it’s slightly less useful than underwater breathing. I press it once a week to run through the upper spire air frogger. Other times, I keep it off action bar lest I accidentally trigger 50% damage reduction and 30-second wing lock out.

0/10 Divine Shield is the stupidest thing since the solar-powered flash light. Mrs. Lobred, my 10th grade English teacher said I should never have just one sentence in a paragraph, so there you go.
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I, the JV Arcane Mage, am the Alpha and the Omega of raids. My ritual (of refreshment) signifies the commencement and my portal marks the end...except I keep running out of reagents for the Alpha and could never remember to put up the Omega.

Focus Magic is BALLIN’ YO. I like swapping it with another mage to make the warlocks feel isolated and neglected. I can’t rate it 10/10 because I had no idea I’d be receiving so many drama puppy dog eye whispers: Why didn’t you give it to me? I thought you cared = (

Spell Steal is off-the-knob 12/10. I love it. What's that gen vezex looking dude that makes you fight each other? That was the first "pvp" encounter on my mage, and I was pissing myself with joy. I ninja counterspelled the priest and stole the ret pallies' Seal of Command. I would have cleaved everyone to death if my staff skill wasn't 17/450.

You know those little flower dudes on the way to the rock boss in Nexus? They have +2% damage buff and it stacks. I built up a crazy buff and I would have annihilated the recount if I didn’t own myself. I thought I could break through spell reflect if I REALLY believed in it, but every stream of max-charged arcane missles bounced off boing-fwip boing-fwip boing-fwip and pwned me.

ABx4

2010-07-19T09:41:00.005-06:00

I spent Saturday researching and getting used to my fresh lvl 80 mage. So now, by the power and authority vested in me by the State of Connecticut DPS Assembly, I here by revoke the rights to make fun of ret pally rotation from all mages.

I don't mean to punish you. I'm trying to preserve your dignity and prevent you from sounding absolutely ridiculous: 1-1-1-1-2 laughing at FCFS is a tid bit more lulz than a melee hunter laughing at spellpower dks.

The rest of you may continue to make fun of ret pallies.
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Deleted scenes from the director's cut:

Someone from Chiba, Japan keeps landing here by googling girl critoris. Which upsets me, because this blog is a sanctuary of class, elegance, and scholarly endeavors. I blame potty mouth Megan.

Watch my leet deductive reasoning skill at work:

a) The googler is a boy. He doesn't realize that girl is an unnecceary qualifier. In fact, he is unable to frame the question to narrow the search (e.g., where is...) because he doen't even know whether it's a person, place, or an idea.

b) There was no unintentional spelling error: he really thinks its spelled with an R. Given Asian's innate inability to pronounce L, he probably heard someone say something like "herro pretty rady, may I perform cunuringus on your critoris?" and wondered, ku-ri-to-ri-s... ku-ri-to-ri-s wa nan desu ka?

think about it

2010-07-15T08:50:00.003-06:00

Gevlon is letting us in on the secrets behind the glorious success of PuG the project guild. I read it all, and I am very much for instilling a sense of professionalism among raiders.

Still, I fell off chair laughing at this: "Retarded behavior like lol, gets you kicked."

At worst, retarded is hurtful, unnecessary, and ignorant. At best, retarded is way more childish and unprofessional than lol. Do you see the infinite irony?

Why don't you apply to my guild? Be mindful that lollable behavior like retarded will get you lolled.
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@Larisa

He's far more constructive than his habit to call players "retarded" suggests.

I have no doubt, and I assure you, my lolling isn't indicative of my ineffectiveness either. I am slamming the arbitrary double standard. There's no logical reason for lol to be grounds for gkick while retarded is accepted as professional raiding lingo.

lol@blizzard

2010-07-07T22:02:00.005-06:00

Just out of curiosity, I googled my real name, and the real me came up #7 on the search result. WTF, I thought, why aren't I #1? Then I remembered this wasn't recount.

I'm a huge proponent of RealID. I mean, relinquishing all my online and real-life activities to commit to corpse camping that jerkface just wasn't satisfying enough. With RealID, I can stop by Bob's Sporting Goods two blocks from the jerkface's house, get me a limited Barry Bonds signature edition Louiville Slugger, and RealBash out the jerkface's RealCarWindShield.... for... you know, stealing my saronite node.
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Players are angry. Not wtf-nerf-ret-pallies angry. They are I-just-canceled-my-account angry. Unfortunately, I don't think Blizzard will budge. They are crazy. Not let's-paint-the-kitchen-red crazy. Tooth-paste-sandwich crazy.

I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Morhaime distributed an internal memo that goes like this:

Champions,

In 1615, Galileo Galilei was denounced to the Roman Inquisition and sentenced to the second-degree torture for proposing the heliocentric view of the solar system. Today, he is widely regarded as the Father of Modern Science.

We will be questioned, mocked, and persecuted as we pioneer this revolutionary social network concept. I assure you, however, that five centuries from now, we will have our bust sculptures displayed at GameStops and be hailed as the Daddy of MMO.

You are revolutionaries trail blazing the network paths for the masses who are clearly incapable of seeing that the earth goes around the sun and RealID is awesome.

Take pride in this project, and whenever you are in doubt, look up to the clear blue sky and call my name: I'll be there.

Press on, Heroes.

Michael the Trail Blazer

While they're at this facebook idea, they should also consider the eHarmoy concept. Automatically match women up with creepos lacking social graces based on the patented 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, including Emotional Temperament, Cognitive Mode, Faction Preference, and Passive Buffs.

the gnome casting animation

2010-06-30T11:59:00.010-06:00

If you think about it, DPS, as in "LF 2 DPS ICC10" doesn't make any sense. I wonder how it got stuck.

"LF 2 DPS 2 TPS and 1 HPS, preferrably shaman PST"

"Dude, why are you looking for TPS and HPS? Don't you mean 2 Tanks and 1 Healer?"

"Yeah. TPS and HPS are units of measurement. It's not a person or a thing."

"What a nub. I bet he calls his car MPH and his microwave GHz."

"Maybe he meant he's Looking for Threat just like Johnny Lee was Looking for Love."
=====================
Sometime ago, I decided I want a caster dps.

So I rolled a lock. As I was rounding up the last series of quests in Dunmorg, I was struck with pangs of sadness-- I realized that my lvl 14 warlock has more offensive buttons than my lvl 80 ret pally. I know locks are pure dps and paladins are distilled diluted dps, but still.

Warlock is fun. It's all the dot dot dot dot set it and forget it Ron Popeil Showtime Rotisserie I expected it to be.

Here's why I don't wanna be a warlock though: Blizzard loves mages way more than they love warlocks. I think they feel that warlock dps has to be snubed because of its extremely powerful PvP utility spells. It's just a guess, but I'm sure there are many PvE warlocks who'd gladly trade in Howl of Terror, Fear, and Death Coil for a dps buff.

... Crap. I wanna talk about my mage now, but I don't know how to segueway into it.

Gnomes have the best casting animation. Throw your hands in the air! But your hands only come up to your ears!

I piss my pants when I see caster mobs, because I can't wait to counterspell them. I've gotten good with CS, but I'm still working on Frost Nova (I don't know how to time it, so I keep casting it when nobody's around. Every time I do that, I hear judgemental crickets chirping bro, why u trippin bro?) and Blink (Each time I blink, I have to zoom out and scan my camera angle cause I don't know where I am).

I'm only lvl 42, but I'm already worried about terrible things that'll happen when I hit 80.

The Council of Elron bestowed the burden of ring bearing to Elijah Wood and the burden of porting to mages. I get that. I accept the power and the responsibilities. But, how am I to handle 5000 scrubs soliciting unwanted whispers? can you port me to dal? are you happy with your current long distance carrier? can you port me to dal? I'm telling you right now, that's going to drive me absolutely fooking nuts.
================

I like sitting in one zone to finish all the quests. I don't like hopping around.

I finally decided to leave STV and check out Dust Wallow Marsh, because the quest givers would not leave me alone about Tabetha. Go speak with Tabetha. Have you spoke to Tabetha? Dude. Bro. Go see Tabetha. Oh btw, you need to speak to Tabetha.

profanity filter

2010-06-23T22:55:00.004-06:00

I was wondering why my guildies were censoring themselves on gchat. Does the new chat frame turn on the profanity filter by default?

I think it'd be way more fun if the censor replaces profane words with other real words instead of @#$(%^&.

You moth flutter! Rez me nao!

No.

Suck on my deck and go "mmmm patio furnitures". Rez me NAO!

No.

Ok, ok. I'm sorry rez me please.

You should really check out that entry in link. Black has to be the second funniest scrub I've ever seen. This guy wins:

[Scrub]: You stupid bg leader! Take this mark off my head now!

[BG Leader]: ...

[Scrub]: Take it off now!

[BG Leader]: Dude, that's Hunter's Mark.

fire

2010-06-21T12:23:00.005-06:00

After a disastrous VoA pug run, we sent ESPN’s Rachel Nichols down the vault for post-game interviews:

Why did you stand in fire?

A) This isn’t to say that my male Axilla (more commonly known as the armpit) is already producing irresistible amount of pheromone, but chicks are drawn to firefighters, super heroes, and generally speaking, guys who stand in fire.

B) I don’t know… Why did you stand in fire?... Why didn’t you turn on the dishwasher?... oh geez, you sound like my wife. I already feel dumb; you don't have to make me come up with a reason. I mean, can I just be stupid with no particular reasons? It’s not like I spent half an hour loading the dish washer and purposely decided to NOT turn it on just to mess with her.

resume

2010-06-17T13:38:00.008-06:00

I went to Seattle’s Best for a cup of coffee. I also ended up getting a beautiful slice of cheese cake because it was sitting there motioning come hither cowboy. The stupid casher carelessly crushed the corner of my cake. “oops, tee hee hee sorry!” is all she had to say… I didn’t think it was funny. How about I crush your hopes and dreams too and then laugh at you. Would you like that?
================

Today, Kim asks:

"Would you dare mention being a WoW guild leader on a resume or at a job interview?"

Uh, yeah? Do you write your name on your resume?

Here are the winning tips from the NY Times Best Selling author of Lick that Glass Ceiling then Punch it in the Face:

Kimberly Dowd, The King Slayer, MBA is terribly unreadable. The proper format is King Slayer Kimberly Dowd. Be sure to omit ubiquitous (and irrelevant) academic designations (e.g., MBA) from the header.

When summarizing your key statistics, capitalize and for the love of dirka dirka Muhammad, do not abbreviate. Write "Defensive Rating Capped", not "def capped". This isn't trade chat.

Highlight achievements, not responsibilities. “Responsible for raid leading” is bad. “Strategized and coordinated devastating attacks against the Ice Crown Citadel, which lead to the complete annihilation of the Lich King and his yes-minions.”—good.
=========

EDIT:

I think the article Kim linked has some merits. I can think of two particular people that I feel comfortable hiring in real life solely based on the phenomenal leadership, intelligence, and people skills they've demonstrated within WoW.

I raided for the first time in months

2010-06-15T21:52:00.004-06:00

Boy, was I clueless and out of rhythm.

I was clocking in rock bottom on recount, and let me tell you, it's an awful feeling. I wonder how Rivs copes with such feelings of inadequacy day in and day out.

I'm gonna watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back so I can get mine back too.

In other news, I completed 4pc t10. I hate the way my awesome Ironforge tabard gets tucked into skirt. If Blizzard's read a single issue of GQ in the past 3 years, they'd know such fashion faux pas is as tacky as wearing open-toe shoes with no pedicure.
==========

Are you guys following the World Cup? My enthusiasm for this monumental sporting event is just shy of going to work with a full face paint, but no one else seems to care. I heard back in 1994, half the Americans didn't even know they were the hosting country XD..... I used XD emoticon, which represents errmm... a laughing cyclops, to indicate how absurd that is.
===========

You guys know Amtrak's Julie? It's an amazing voice-recognition phone tree system with just the right personal touch:

"Ok, did I heard you say from NY Penn Station to Washington DC Union station?"

"No Jong, there is no place called Kokomo."

Anyways, Bank of America's implemented a similar system too, except it's a dude. The thing is, if you wanna speak to a real person because you have a question that's NOT on the phone tree menu, it'll still take you through ridiculous loops. If that's ever the case, just start cursing right into the phone-- motherf***ing c0cksuc*king piece of sh1t c*nt--and it'll actually recognize you're pissed: "It sounds like you'd like to speak to a customer service representative."

It's important to enunciate those words. If you mumble, it'll just say, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said."

some blogger links

2010-06-10T13:47:00.011-06:00

In case you didn't know, fire trucks don't yield to pedestrians. I know this for a fact, because I almost got run over by one just now.

In other news, my furniture is here! I ordered $1000 worth of stuff from IKEA, which is saying a lot. That's like ordering $50 worth of food at McDonalds.
===============

Rivs is one of my favorite warlock bloggers with unparalleled enthusiasm for his class. He's that guy who interjects with WARLOCKS RULE!!!!! every chance he gets. His latest on how he capitalized on an unwitting enemy’s selfish, irresponsible acts.

Two new blogs to my list: Pugging Pally and Pugnacious Priest. There’s definitely going to be confusions arising from the ambiguous acronym.

“Hey dude, have you read PP today?”

“Which one? The present progressive one (i.e., pugging) or the belligerent, adjective one (i.e., pugnacious)?

I found Pugging Pally because she drew Anea’s awesome blog header.

I once mentioned that New Zealand is my favorite country from down under because it’s Gnomeaggedon’s homeland. Someone stood up, strongly disapproved, and said, “Oh yeah? Australia rules because Pugnacious Priest is an Australian!”…so I subscribed to the blog. I also like to add that Gnome is from New Zealand as much as Rivs is a warlock.

I like Euripedes' new home.

Whenever I’m confused or sad, I crank up Runaway Train and imagine myself walking down this path.

water

2010-06-09T12:43:00.006-06:00

I was walking back to my apartment from a local sports bar (GO Celtics). Rapidly forming storm clouds signaled an impending down pour, but I didn’t scurry, because I’m cowboy like that.

I was thoroughly drenched. I didn’t care; I’ll just take a hot shower and fix me up hot plate of fetucini alfredo. Some red wine and some Kelly Clarkson. Good to go.

A memo from the management office ruined my elaborate (and infinitely manly) evening plans:

Dear Resident,

The crew running the ground construction next to our building accidently decapitated the main water pipe with a fork crane. No water for you.

Luckily for all of us, this is merely a real-life scenario that only resulted in abruptly cutting off the water supply to hundreds of innocent people at the most inopportune time. If this were the World of Warcraft—god forbid—such carelessness would have surely resulted in a disastrous raid wipe.

Thanks

This posed a serious problem. You see, I hate not getting cleaned up when I wanna get cleaned up. So, I took a “shower” with Lemon-scented Clorox Disinfectant Wipes. In the absence of running water, the extremely potent multi-purpose house cleaning chemical agents felt as good on my skin as baby wipes—except it stung really badly. It was all worth it: cleanliness is next to awesomeness.

Maybe it was the Clorox slowly seeping through my blood stream, but I was absolutely livid at the befuddled inadequate reject that brought this upon me. I have zero tolerance for other people’s incompetence (my generosity for my own incompetence is like Budah). NOT severing the concrete pipe with a fork crane is EASY. Here’s how you do it:

Step 1) Hop on the crane.
Step 2) Don’t sever the water pipe.

See? And I’m not even a certified operator.

Mom told me to count to ten whenever I find myself getting riled up, but that never works. I’m an efficient multi-tasker, which means I can count to ten and be pissed off at the same.
============

EDIT: I took out the bits on politics, because 1) I agree with shamerockgirl and 2) making a political statement on a wow blog is as appropriate as making a political statment at the dinner table on a first date.

bears

2010-06-08T07:58:00.004-06:00

I found BBB’s latest post title--You are the wind beneath my wings-- to be somewhat ironic, because there was a time I didn’t know BBB well, but one of his entries was so good, I wanted to comment “Did you ever know you were my hero?”

I didn’t because, as you know, I’m an introvert and I have trouble expressing myself. I was also afraid he’d answer my rhetorical question with another rhetorical question Sgt. Hartman style: “Are you just sucking up to me or making a pass at me? Piss off! Sempre Fi!”

In conclusion, big bear turned out to be a super nice guy \o/
==================

I rolled a hunter on Argent Dawn.

I tamed an awesome bear. Grimtooth, who I know has leveled at least three dorf hunters, suggested that bears make excellent leveling pet. “It’s like having a pocket pally,” he said. I thought this was funny. Pally AOE is so broken that people associate thunderstomping tenacity pets with pallies (remember BRK's Gorilladin tshirt?), even if the said pet happens to be a BEAR that comes with pet skills called Claw and Swipe.

I named my bear BigBearButt, the most iconic and unambiguous feral druid name I know, just to see if people would still come up and say: “Hey dude, I like your bear. Bears are cool; it’s like having a pocket pally, isn’t it?”

Bears are awesome leveling pets, not only because they tank real good, but also because they’ll eat ANYTHING in your bag—fish, cheese, bread, fungus, beef flavor ramen, margarita jello shots, etc. You probably won’t appreciate this unless you’ve had to run around in a panic state looking for a fish vendor shortly after realizing that your unhappy cat doesn’t like Parmigiano Reggiano. Go back to your country you uncultured American cat /dismiss.

Optimus would plug the crap out of that hole.

2010-06-03T11:29:00.005-06:00

I reinstalled wow and logged in for the first time since February.

It seems like the life on Azeroth moved on just fine without me. The sun still rose, mortgage payments were made, and a new batch of odd-defying American Idol contestants were selected.

I rolled a lvl 1 warlock on Argent Dawn so I can apply to the prestigious hardcore raiding guild Single Abstract Noun. I tried whispering some members, but they told me to piss off and ignored me.... I'm okay, it’s just feelings, it’ll heal back.

I’m not ready to jump back into the raiding scene. I have to get used to the buttons and stuff. More importantly, I have to restore the killer instinct. I’ve lost that fire, and I’ve turned into this big casual pussy who don’t care about topping recount.

I ordered a custom body-length mirror to conduct the daily self-affirmation and fire restoration therapy:

You are Jong.
You are one handsome magnificent bastard.
You are, in fact, what Willis was talking about.
Yes you are.
And you will dance as if no one is watching.
Yes you will.
=====================================

I enjoy reading Maureen Dowd’s op-ed. She wields rapier wit and mad opinionating skills:

One little hole a mile down on the ocean floor, so deep it seems like hell spewing up its sulfurous smoke, has turned the thrilling saga of “The One” into the gurgling horror of “The Abyss.” (Thank goodness James Cameron, the director of “The Abyss,” came to Washington Tuesday to help the administration figure out how to cap the BP well. What’s next? Sending down the Transformers and Megan Fox?)

She kinda looks like D, an impressive lady I work with who gets included in all the who’s-who list of the Wall Street. She said I was stupid and need more schooling (she really said that in so many words and hurt my feelings). I think women have the potential to be a lot meaner than men as managers. My theory is that they’re constantly playing Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know in their heads, which renders them incapable of feeling any remorse.

chocolate cake, girls, and submarines

2010-04-16T00:14:00.003-06:00

My last hello post didn't make any sense. Why didn't anyone say hey dude this post doesn't make any sense? I'm starting to think you don't care. You don't EVEN CARE.

It's now time for Jong's Best of Spring 2010.

The Best Airport: DFW International. It's gigantic, but you can go from here to there on a skylink bullet train in no time. The computer lady who announces "the next stop is concourse B" sounds like the girl from Tankspot. I heard Ari has that soothing nerdy voice too.

The Best Country from Down Under: New Zealand. I used to think NZ was worthless, but now I love it, because it's Gnomeaggedon's homeland.

The Best Steak House Dessert: Smith & Wollensky's Drunken Donuts. I like it. Girls don't like it, because they don't like getting sugary powder all over their face. Their favorite seems to be Morton's Godiva chocolate cake; they'll take pictures of the cake from 20 different angles to upload on their facebook, and then only eat three bites.

....I have to digress here, because I really have to ask: why do girls go to the bathroom together? "Cathy, let's go to the bathroom!" "Okay!" They're all giggly about it too.

Why?

I'm thinking the toilet in girl's room operate like the nuclear torpedo launcher in Hunt For Red October: two people have to sit on it and synchronize the encrypted keys to flush it.

Let's say Darraxus and I happen to be dining at a swanky steakhouse with our dates. If I get up, walk up to him, and say "hey buddy, let's go to the bathroom" as I reach out my hand for his, what do you think his reaction will be?

A) Okay! tee hee hee hee hee

B) Why should I go with you? I'm not a "friendly helpful stupid social" who leveled to Grand Master Pissing to carry the M&S.

C) /cast [target=jong] Neck Punch (Rank 4)

It's probably C. I'll accept B. If it's A, I'll punch him in the neck and never talk to him again.

I just remembered how therapeutic blogging can be

2010-02-25T09:46:00.006-07:00

Hai gusy!

Job searching is kicking into high gears, and I think I'll be settling on something soon. I can't wait to get out of this town. They have great tacos here, but I could never get a decent hair cut; I asked for a professional looking interview cut but they got me the Mexican pastor cut.

I'm still recovering from a really bad interview I had last week. The interviewer was a freakishly smart guy and spoke with a heavy Eastern European accent. I bet he used to build nuclear bombs for USSR and made a career change into quantitative finance after reading the testimonials on monster dot com.

Did he bust my balls?

Nope, he blew them into smithereens. The left nut kinda blew up right in its place. The right one shot off, ricocheted into the corner baseboard, and rolled under the table.

"Here," he said after kindly picking it up and dusting it off, "I believe this belongs to you."

I walked out of the room quivering. I haven't walked like that since I was circumcised in 4th grade.
==============

It's stupid, but I often find myself forming an opinion of a group because of one person. Because of Bruno, my former colleague, I think the entire country of Portugal is AWESOME.

Bruno was fresh out of school with a PhD from UCLA. He was also pretty fresh off the boat and had difficulties with American slang. Screw Driver was his drink... with grey goose, I think.

I remember this one night we were working on a project together past 10 pm.

"Yes! FUCK YES!" I yelled as I banged the desk. "We got it Bruno! This is it! Awww shiiiit, we're gonna get some vodka and OJ tonight!"

"Yes Jong!"

/high five

"Jong"

"Yeah?"

"I know O is for orange, but what does J stand for?"
=========================

Last week, I asked my GM to change my rank status to non-raider (I'm a dirty casual now). I also let Megan know that I won't be blogging anymore. It wasn't an easy decision, but at least I waited until after February 14th. I've had lots of preemptive early December break-ups to avoid incurring costs for Christmas and Valentine's Day.

Hwa Mulan was the best BAD movie I've seen lately. Chinese made a real movie out of Disney's Mulan. It was a low budget epic-scale movie, so the epic battle scenes only had 20 guys in it with recycled extras: "hey, didn't that foot soldier die at the last battle? twice?"

Anyways, there's a scene where Hwa Mulan kicks the living shit out of three guys in a barrack. She was like nuh-uh, you can't Tai Chi this and owns everyone. I thought, holy crap, that's Megan.

I told her about it and she said I make her sound like a vicious person.

"Well," I said, "but she only flips out when it's GO time. Other times, she's a big softy girly girl who cries for her friends and family-- DADDY, WHO DO YOU LOVE THE SECOND MOSTEST?"

"..."

"She secretly volunteered her service into army so her sick father can stay home."
=======================

I've had a blast with Forbearance. Thanks for the good times and memories.

-Jong

Blueprint (part I)

2010-02-15T07:44:00.008-07:00

"We are, yah I said it we are."

--

I once took a really basic architectural drawing class.

I was pretty terrible at it. It started off with easy stuff like point of perspective and scaling, but then as the course went on it turned out to be more math and crap I didn't really care about.

When I say pretty terrible, you're prolly thinking one thing.. I'm telling you right now, you're undershooting.

I used "pretty terrible" because everyone downplays their weaknesses and shortcomings and dammit, I won't stand to be left out standing alone from what the crowd does---that'd be pretty terrible.

For reasons that God only knows, a game of 9ball with a few beers and half decent music, I shoot just fine. But turn all that into some paper, a straight edge and a mechanical pencil and I want to shoot myself.

I did learn this though---if for whatever reason, you find yourself in a position where you drawing a straight line of some sort (and no, line of coca doesn't count) means the difference between:

1) everyday business as usual
2) bridge collapsing and the killing of innocents

..well, you're in that position, so draw a straight line fucker. That line better turn out so straight that Avenue Q looks like Avenue DIGITAL CLOCK ZERO with a FIVE O CLOCK shadow. There's uhm, a lot riding on that line you see.

I messed this one blueprint up pretty terribly. The teacher told me I just killed dozens of commuters because I couldn't draw a straight line---I wasn't even a Warlock back then.

--

There are 3 general "throwaway" answers I read on forums/blogs/bumper stickers when it comes to discourse about PVP and/or PVP vs PVE related topics.

Of course it comes from diff people/sources and the word usage varies but they can be generously paraphrased as:

"I don't like PVP."

"I'm bad at PVP."

"I don't mind PVP, but I prefer PVE."

On one hand, it's not my job to make you like what you don't like, force you to do something you're bad at. That's your mother and raidleader's job.

On the other hand, I bring it up because those 3 throwaway answers are throwaway for a reason---they are built upon lines that weren't straight to begin with, they are the results of shoddy planning, skimped materials and subpar construction.

Throwaway wasn't conjured by clever Mages or crafty Warlocks. It speaks for itself---throwaway, garbage. Why are you spewing garbage?

That's a pretty terrible blueprint, and I'm not even just talking about PVP or WoW even. In any situation if you find yourself giving a throwaway answer that is based off of nothing but feelings or shallow experience, well, you didn't even deserve to hear the question in the first place.

I read a lot on forums and blogs how everyone wants "mature and adult" participation and "civil and constructive" comments---yet I see throwaway answers left and right.

I don't know about you, but I'm an adult---part of being an adult is when you carry the responsibility that follows the answers you give. Part of being constructive is when you actually construct something that is built to last for eternity.

It starts with a straight line and sooner or later, you'll run this town.

--

Now that I've made a pretty terrible post while the rest of the WoW blogging world is going off on secret fadmirers---stay tuned for part II in which I'll explore some of the answers you should've considered all along.

shadowmourne and the 1st interview

2010-02-10T09:12:00.006-07:00

As we were buffing up to make the initial pull, the GM announced, “Okay, Bobby and Sammy are the two winners of the Shadowmourne Raffle! Grats guys.”

Uhm….what? What raffle?

I checked the guild forum in a panic, and apparently, there was an epic thread entitled “The Official Shadowmourne Raffle” that’s been going on for two weeks.

When I flip open a Yoplait carton and see Please Try Again message, I just think, oh, Yoplait is having a contest I’m not aware of and I couldn’t care less. I can’t say the same about missing out on this one.

There were five viable candidates, but the two winners won the raffle uncontested. The DK deferred his entry, because he can’t make all the raids for the next few weeks. The other ret pally is a really selfless guy and he passed the prized loot to others. I just had no clue. I’m sitting here licking off blue berry yogurt off the aluminum foil.
=======================

Since my company blew up last November, I’ve been living the dreams. Last week, I decided drinking single malt scotch and playing wow all day is totally overrated.

I’ve been busy interviewing lately.

My pup Sandy can sense stuff real good. He knows whether you are scared of him or you like him. You cannot let him zone in on your weakness. I explain to house visitors that dogs are pack animals and packing order (I’m the Alpha Jong, which means I’m the only one allowed to hump cushions in this household) is important to them; you’ve got to establish your position firmly without pissing him off. Otherwise, he’ll cast decimate and chop your legs off, kk?... what a vague and ambiguous pitbull survival guide.

Interviewers will sense out weakness within 12 seconds. I can’t let them do that, because then they’ll fire at will. I’ve got to go in there and respectfully instill fear in their hearts. The fear of backfiring—what if I ask this question, he delivers with flying colors, then asks a follow-up question that I can’t answer and I’ll look stupid? I’ve got to make them put their guards up and hesitate throwing bomb right hooks.

Interview #1

In my hotel room, 25 minutes to the show. The company lobby is just across the street.

I stood before the mirror and addressed the Mont Blanc pen cap peering atop the shirt pocket one last time:

“What did Mufasa say to Simba? Remember who you are. You are Jong, the illest ret pally they never known. You’ve read every economic commentary from every investment bank. You’ve dog-eared their 150-page 10k filing. You can recite the attack power coefficient for judgment seal procs. Eye of the fucking tiger. Let’s DO THIS.”

Just as I bent down do apply one final buff to my shoe, I heard the ominous thunderous rip. RIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!

My pants.

It was ripped, and I’m not talking about just a little bit. The seam was busted open from the waist line all the way down to my crotch. I turned to assess the damage in the mirror and the red and yellow sunflowers on my boxer were waving hi at me.

I thought about calling in to cancel the interview, but what I do say? I regret to inform you that I won’t be able to make the appointment today unless you consider Adidas sweat pants and wing tip shoes appropriate business attire.

I decided to wing it.

I’ll just pretend it’s one of those disguise quests—I can interact freely as long as I don’t let anyone see my behind. I’ll stand with buttcheeks firmly clinched and if my cover is ever compromised, I’ll act really surprised: holy crap! how THAT happen?

It was a 5-hour interview and I never got up. I’ll tell you about interview #2 later.
==============

EDIT:
Making bad decision is bad, but making no decision is worse. Your pants are ripped and you just happen to be wearing an underwear that cannot be taken seriously in any former business setting. What course of action would you have taken if you had 15 minutes to execute whatever plan you came up with?

EDIT#2:
The Bossy Spoon and the Giant Pally compiled a pally blog list. I'm offended that this classy & elegant blog is in the same category as Antigen's blog (pronounced an-TEE-gen).

Eyesore, Earscore

2010-02-09T09:56:00.005-07:00

"Sense us."

--

My Eyes and Ears have been subpar lately.

--

Try doing /who Jong.. yah, same thing I get, where the eff is he?

All last week I kept my eyes on the back of milk cartons at Trader Joes to make sure, you know, nothing dramatic happened.

Nada zip.. oh I know, he must just be busy rerolling for Gevlons raid in blues project. He had mentioned to me before his interest in it:

"I want to join Gevlon in his crusade that everything can be done in just Blues."
"Oh? To show everyone that it just comes down to hardwork, skill, patience and dedication?"
"Nah---if everyone else is in Blues, I totally have a shot at getting the legendary axe."

Well ok.. I was relaxing last night in my usual way (alcohol) and it struck me---it's not milk cartons you dummy.. you've been looking in the wrong places..

So I spazzed out and flipped it over like my name was Rohan in a 3d vehicle fight, and there on the back label..

--

Do your part. When the servers come back up and you first login today, go into a city and try /2 ANYONE SEEN JONG? HES MISSIN

CAPS are important btw---everyone knows that no one reads stuff in trade unless it is in CAPS.

It's sort of like every time I read one of Tama's posts---it's so wordy that I just skip to all the stuff in CAPS and endup making 1 long runon sentence with just those words.

I say the incoherent string of CAPS babble to myself, studdering and stammering so terribly that even my Canto speaking friends DENY me invites to their raid convos because my Earscore is just way too low.

You may call it failing at reading comprehension or just plain laziness, I call it I just got doublehaste procs with heroism up, the boss is at 19%, it's Stammer of Wrath time.

Anyway, spam trade, get ignored/banned, whatever---it's for one greater purpose, making sure our beloved Jong is found safe. Record all responses and we'll get to the bottom of this!

Stars

2010-02-05T08:05:00.005-07:00

"Ya'll wanna party like we do?"

--

Do you know what happens when addons go out of control? The stars align and the universe is never the same.

Critoris has just assaulted the lumber mill.

In case that doesn't settle in right away, I'll break it down for you. Like Texas, there's only 2 things that come from the lumber mill:

1) Wood.

2) Elemental Shammies jolting electricity through peoples bodies and then shooting them off a cliff with a concentrated storm of thunder. Those unfortunates then have to hit release and wait a bit before swinging back into action with full HP an---wait a sec..

--

So Arthas is dead.

I don't really know what happened in regard to the drama kill---I've read a few things here and there but the fact is the stars aligned and the universe isn't the same anymore, so I can't trust any of you. I'll trust Star mag though.

Can always trust aline from Star.

--

I do know this though. Jong made fun of my Pally for being an engineer at some point. Oh, nice aviators. Now why don't you engineer this Lego Star Wars Death Star in the corner over there like a good lilgirl and leave the real DPS to me. And make sure it looks like a moon.

A whole guild got banned because of Engineering. No one got banned because Jewelcrafting and Blacksmithing.

It's like going into an airport. The more jewelry you wear, sure the security check in becomes more annoying. If you've got extra socket holes in your pants, maybe you'll get some weird looks because you're either a deviant or you overpaid for yuppie Diesel jeans.

Bring a Saronite bomb though and there's gonna be drama.

"Oh, you silly non minmaxer. JC/BS is #1 for dps professions."

"That Ensidia Rogue threw more bombs than Funkmaster Flex and djkool combined. Arthas is dead and now that the universe is no longer the same---let my clear my throat, JC/BS stands for Just Cut the Bull Shit."

The Four C's

2010-01-29T09:29:00.005-07:00

"I'm going to go with what is Crowd Control and Coordinated Cooldowns, Alex."

--

So Blizz made me into a liar cause Season 8 didn't start yet. Another week of being bored out of my mind.

To cure some of the boredom, I started on my taxes. I realized that in the past year, I've spent way too many Arena and Honor pts.

--

My RL (also my Arena Shammy) got that funny Abacus trinket. I lost the roll on it, but I didn't get mad---it's very fitting because he's an accountant IRL and just recently farmed his way into CPA exalted rep (GRATS).

I don't really know the diff. between a CPA and a non CPA, but I'm sure it has to do with the amount of gang signs he can flash out and how much whitegold he can floss on his calculator wristwatch.

The Abacus cost him no DKP because the whole guild is trying to butter him up into doing their taxes.

--

Forbearance is up to 89 followers. I don't think Jong cares anymore, but he should, even if half of that number is really Gnomeaggedon's alts.

I am going to go on a mini promo spree soon on forums to get more readers.

I guess I'll have to break down and register up at MMOChumps soon. Anyone know what kind of medical shots I need before I go there?

--

I am going to share with you a pair of rules that I go by, you might know them already by the Four C's.

The Four C's are:

Cash Carry
Cook Clean

The Four C's is merely a variation of the Two B's, which you might be more familiar with:

I Buy, You Bag

I prefer the Four C's over the Two B's. It's really a preference.

Just as long as you stop right there in the pattern, don't even think about going to the Six D's.

There's no reason to---the Six D's are either back problems for some poor girl named JennyJuggs or 20bucks worth of batteries to power some worthless CrashinThrashinRacer.

Anyway, back to Cash Carry Cook Clean:

If I'm out raiding liquor store with my friends or family, or maybe running a random heroic club with strangers, I default to the Four C's to help me navigate the social waters.

The basic premise is if I use the cash, you do the carrying, or viceversa.

So if we're out because we need more beer/liquor for the party and I'm fronting the money, well I hope you bowflexed this morning---cause the only muscles I'll be using are to put my dainty Coach wallet back into my D&B bag and looking damn good at it.

Do not mistake Cash/Carry as a "you owe me" entitlement, it isn't a "I paid so you do the grunt work, SLAVE" attitude. It's merely an invitation for everyone involved to give and take, to take a part. Team effort.

Consider what happens if I lay out the cash AND do the carrying. Sure, it was my treat, but on the way back to the party I'm going to feel bitter and not enjoy our spoils of war---why, because while my wallet is lighter, my hands are heavier lugging this bag of alcohol in 4inch heels.

You worthless sack of shit freeloader, wtf---I'm totally screenshotting this and sending it to Morons of the Week.

It's very important to practice give and take on a daily basis, and Cash/Carry helps all involved do it the RIGHT way. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that giving is somehow a higher form than taking, or that it allows and A-OK's for superiority complexes in a relationship.

That sort of thing just leads to bitter resentment which defeats the whole point of giving in the first place. I GIVE SO MUCH AND YOU DONT DO YOUR PART, WTF. IM ALWAYS TANKING, IM ALWAYS HEALING, RAWRWRAWAGFSagFSGA.

Uh, the only giving you're doing is giving out poison, don't you know that poison (nova) kills me?

Do you know that most of the problems that people bicker about with each other in social situations stem from give and take? And not from the lack of give and take---it's the incorrect way give and take is handled. Marriages, work relationships, WoW raiding/Arena, hotdamn.

Cash/Carry people. If you learn how to give and take in a team environment, free of entitlement and resentment, knowing the subtle difference between when it's your turn to lay out cash or do the carrying, then we can all get back to the party faster and rdy to rock.

Oh and you guys are smrt. I don't need to extend this to Cook/Clean at this point. Half of you are wiki'n JennyJuggs anyway and not even going to read this---I hate u all.

Thought on tanking

2010-01-27T02:31:00.008-07:00

ONE

My guild has cleared everything in tbc and wotlk with two warrior tanks (our cat druid goes bear for 3-tank fights). There were times when we had to be a little creative, but running with two warriors has never stopped the show.

I don’t like drawing conclusions from one anecdote, but I think the “need” for ideal/preferred tank class for specific encounters is perception, not reality.

TWO

I had to tank the 10-man run yesterday, because the bastards in the other 10-man group saved all of our tanks. I don’t get to do this very often, so I was all wrong going into ICC-- Skittles socketed into belt, helmet on my feet, shield on my head, etc. The action bars weren’t even set up. The hunter pulled threat off me on trash, and I opened Cooking window instead of taunting.

The blood queen hits a lot harder than the stuff I’m used to tanking (i.e., UK trash and Frozen Tundra Penguins). My face’s all busted and I feel like the way I felt the day after I tried kissing the Mack truck hurling down the road.

THREE

If you follow Gevlon closely, you know he’s adamantly against “stam-stacking idiot tanks”. He’s a huge proponent of avoidance > stam.

Apparently, some dude stormed a thread in MainTankadin claiming his 5-yr experience says armor > stam and that numbers, facts, and data are not necessary to prove a point.

... yeah, seriously, you uber nerds who build partial diffusion models in MATLAB to calculate the probability-weighted impact of surprise buttsecks! Why are you trying to taint the truth with things like “facts” and “data”? My theories are from right here, the bottom of my heart. What did Bruce Lee say? Don’t think. Feel.

-_-

Why do they believe stam stacking is necessarily dumb? I don’t know much about tanking, but doesn't the optimal tank stat vary by fight? As in, is it slow big hits or fast small hits? Is it physical damage or magic damage?

I’m a scrub, so my equipment manager has ONE tank set called FrozenTundraPenguins, but Wrathy has many different sets: EH, Block, Anub, HP, Avoidance, Threat, etc.

I know HP is Hewlett Packard… not sure what EH stands for though.

SURPRISE BUTTSECKS MEGAN EDIT: EH stands for EHARMONY.

EH can best be related to EPEEN---while DPS EPEEN all over the place to see who's on top, EHARMONY is what tanks use to make their healers feel like specialflowers when the tanking/heals click together.

Trust me, I know what I'm talking about---I storm mainspankadin.com forums all the time.

How Convenient

2010-01-25T07:08:00.007-07:00

"We like ourselves, don't we?"

--

Has this sort of thing hit your server yet?

It's an upgrade from the LVL1 corpse spam that spells goldselling URLs like "susanlovesu" and "cartier.com"---usually near the bank/AH of a busy city.

This was apparently some botting program that controlled LVL1 dorfs and shifted them in formations (in midair) to spell out the URL. They were zipping around in front of Ironforge bank like it was Top Gun and they had bodychecks they couldn't cash. Actually I don't even know if that quote is from topgun, but Jong will pull this post later anyway so no one will know if I'm wrong.

The "midair" part was the freakiest---they had no visible buffs like levitate. I know the pic makes it hard to tell but I wanted to more importantly capture the "G" for 2 reasons:

1) The "G" obviously is the more important letter because it is a GOLDselling service. If they happened to be selling something else, like girlscoutcookies or gHarmony accounts (that's like eHarmony, but for goblins), I'd choose a diff---actually, G is pretty solid.

2) I wanted to be able to do the following, the final nail in the coffin from this post, gg:

But yah, wow. They got a serious upgrade in advertising.. and it's much more organized. The goldsellers must have an evil, dastardly ringleader now, a new frontman that organizes their efforts.

But who? Who can control masses of mindless LVL1 Dorfs to put up URLs and messages in a public sphere that is visible to all?

I wonder..

--

New Arena Season 8 this coming Tues! YAY!

I was very bored this week---no Arena. I also had to sitout for 25raids due to overflow.

ICC10 for me was a blur that involved killing festerface, rotgut, 1 wipe on Professor Petridish and 1bottle of wine.

If you play Arena, I'd like to wish you goodluck! If you don't and loathe PVP in anyform, I hope you like my upcoming posts slated for this month as I promised earlier.

Modified quote from legendary NAT SHERMAN:

"A man's GEAR will tell you if he has raided. His GEMS/ENCHANTS, if he has read EJ.

But if you want to know if he's a SPORT, see if he's wearing a good RATING."

My Territory

2010-01-22T07:24:00.006-07:00

I saw this post office worker with a gigantic head of hair. Her hair > Tina Turner. I know the work dress codes have been casualized, but her mane was too much.

… oh I got it. She was just trying to say happy Chinese new year: it’s the year of the lion.

She also had a huge pair of hoop earrings. Maybe she wants to train baby lions to jump through the hoops.
======================

At a municipal golf course:

/grabs a driver

“This is Sparta! Ah-hoo! Ah-hoo!”

/WHOOSH

“Oh ffs. I need the Shadowmourne dad. Will you buy me the Shadowmourne? This driver is worthless.”

“Son, you are a warthog. You like resorting to brute force way more than you like thinking.”

“…”

“Look what you done to fairway grass. You think this rice field? You think they come tell you, ‘Oh, thank you for irrigating our fairway just in time for rice planting’?”

“…”

“Control your mind. I said emotional content, not anger.”
==========================

I liked the empathy post a lot. Gevlon liked it too, because it embodies one of his key philosophies of WoW and life.

I’m upset Megan chose Doktor Hardcore to illustrate her point. Why not me? I used to be Barricade, but I sent C to kick the living piss out of the Doktor and take his lollipop bowl.

Here’s a warning for all those aspiring to be Doktor Mean:

Being mean just for the sake of being mean doesn’t make you empathetic. “Let’s hug and cry together” and “Oh, FFS you nubs!” are both superfluous emotions that contribute nothing to solving problems at hand.

If you are being mean because you believe it’s synonymous with being empathetic and/or elite, you are trotting into my territory: Delusional Elitism—you think you’re elite, but you’re the only one who thinks that.

Delusional Elitism is my fucking territory. I discovered it and obtained a zoning charter from the governor of Texas. Don’t stoop down to this sacred ground, I OWN THIS.

Doktor Pathetic

2010-01-19T08:23:00.005-07:00

"KNOW, YOU DONT EVEN NO."

--

When I ROFLstomp someone in a PVP encounter, I end up feeling:

A) ..sympathetic.

B) ..empathetic.

C) ..like ripping my shirt off and saying WUTNAO while spamming /sit on their corpse

If you chose A or B, well, keep reading this post.

If you chose A or B but WHATISTHIS IDONTEVEN know what those words mean, don't worry. I don't know English either.

And now that my cousin Ecwhcxejb (who tutored me in English growing up) is no longer in the country, you'll have to show some forbearance with me.

If you chose C, well you're looking for a different blogger, one that prolly starts with the letter J and ends with ongalicious.

My shirts are too expensive to just go and rip off everytime I pop a cooldown. This shit ain't Hanes, this ain't Woot of the Loom. This is Cashmere, Irish Linen, Merino.

--

Sympathy

I am not a sympathetic person. Sometimes sympathy creeps in on me but I detect it on my minimap and stop that shit in its tracks.

Sympathy is a blurred thing, because people usually associate it and/or interchange it with pity.

It's sort of how GG (good game) used to be used as a positive phrase at one point:

"GG chap, that was a very invigorating bout of competition---we must do this again sometime comrade."

Now GG is blatant trashtalk, so even if you try and say GG and really mean it, it's going to be understood as:

"GG muthafucka, I pwn joo 4 free---sukkkkkk on deeeeeeez brah."

Sympathy has the same problem, everyone just lumps it with pity. I have no pity.

I have no pity when I kill someone, take rating pts from them, farm and camp them for Honor.

The reason I have no pity is because pity is useless. There is no good that comes out of pity. Any positive "OH IM WITH YOU, I KNOW HOW U FEEL" talk is doing a disservice to everyone involved, no matter how "nice" it feels.

If someone got fucked over really bad in some way and is having a rough time, and you feel sympathetic, all you are doing is accepting a pity party invite. Come on in, free food, free drink! The covercharge though is priced at NOTFUCKINGSOLVINGANYTHING.

The openbar doesn't have a single premium brand, it's all bottom shelf stuff like Johnnie Stroller Black, Grey Swan vodka and Jill (swill) Daniels. This party sucks.

It's like a Doctor. When I go to my Doctor, I don't want sympathy. I want my Doctor to feel no pity. The MD on his license plate should stand for Mean Dick and on his door its spelled Doktor with a K because he's that hardcore.

I don't want "there there my child, sunshines and lollipop rainbow power, let's cry together"---I want him to figure out what's wrong with me and come up with a plan that'll work.

--

Empathy

Empathy on the otherhand, I have doublebinded to my spacebar. I jump alot in PVP so I always have empathy.

Empathy cuts pity off. Empathy is sort of like sympathy sans the touchyfeely nonsense. Empathy takes the situation and condition that the other person is in---it takes that knowledge and understands it, analyzes it.

So even while you get a picture of what the other person is going through, you don't join in any sympathetic qq. You use that picture instead to get right at the root of the problem.

When I ROFLstomp someone in PVP because they either suck, keyboardturn, their gear is shit, their skateboard broke and dog died on the same day, whatever---I understand. I understand, I know. I've been there myself. I've had shit gear. I've clicked spells. I've been bottom of the foodchain. I've been through that, I KNOW.

Even if I actually haven't had my skateboard break and dog RIP, I do know frustration, anger, sorrow, disappointment, alienation. I know.

I don't feel sympathy and pity---that's doing them no good. I can only show them my best and hope they learn from it. I don't go extra easy, I go extra hard in hopes they start picking up the things they need to pickup so they don't get steamrolled again. In hopes they see what's required of them to get through a difficult time.

Back to my Doktor, I do want empathy. I want him to understand and know about my situation and condition. If he does that while cutting off pity, he can get to cutting at me and what's wrong, literally and/or metaphorically.

Surgery? Let's go. Treatment? Bring it. Empathize with me, show me that you're on my side and you have a clue, but also show me you're not going to holdback cause of "nicey feelings" either and make this situation worse---let's get shit done.

--

In closing, there is a very fine line between sympathetic and empathetic---and the line is somewhere around pathetic. Don't be pathetic, don't coddle the pathetic. No one wins.

And now I'm not even just talking about WoW PVP. GG muthafucka.

Say Goodbye

2010-01-15T08:36:00.007-07:00

"And I know it's hard---but I gotta do it."

--

EDIT: To avoid some confusion, this post isn't actually a "i quit" post or a "goodbye" announcement---it's a post ABOUT the manner of quitting and goodbye.

So no, my guestposts are up and running. For now. Eventually at some point, I will REALLY give Jong a 2week notice, but that's just a fact of life, all bad things must come to an end.

Need some quick input guys, I swear it'll only take a minute, you'll know when I finish, yaaaaah.

I told Jong at some point that when this guestposting gig has run its course, I'd give him the standard 2 weeks notice before I quit.

I'd be all nice and sweet about it. My usual italicized line beneath the header would be something poetic like:

"Everything I tried to remember to say just went out my head---so I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand."

He says that would be pretty fucked up because there's never a right time to say goodbye---if I wanted to quit, I should just quit randomly one day without telling him anything so he doesn't do anything drastic out of depression.

We all know how competitive he is, "2 weeks? OH YAH WELL I QUIT IN 1 WEEK, SUP WUTNAO??" or something. Whoa whoa, take it easy.. boy it's not you, it's me.

What you guys think? Oh, and to be totally not bias in anyway, I've already come up with the 2NE1 vid to embed that future, final post.

(or peep this one for better sound quality, sound only)

Why-Why - Why am I taking so long to say this?

--

Speaking of quitting, I got hit with some more bad news. My cousin who plays WoW is quitting the game. She called me up all hysterical on the phone in a fit of nerdrage.

I asked her what happened, and she said that some bag o tools got her account permabanned. I was shocked, she was one of the most helpful players I knew, she would always give me massive quantities of gold and abyss shards whenever I was in a pinch.

I looked her up on the brand new (and lagproved) Armory to find out that it's true---her character sheet no longer pops up and all the model viewer shows is a 3d image of a torn up work visa and a plane ticket back to Hong Kong.

So here's to my cousin---goodbye Ecwhcxejb, it's been a good ride while it lasted. May the person responsible for this get punted in the Recunt by Icehowl and festerrot in you know where.

--

I remember making this post last Wed, but later that night I don't remember much of what happened.

Oh yah, actually I do---goodbye Furious shoulders, hello to:

Enter the Dragon

2010-01-14T06:55:00.008-07:00

Tell me this isn’t the most auspicious name for a holy pally loot.
mmmkay, here’s a few more ideas blizzard:

[Hood of Negative Armor] for bear tanks
[Shield of Unmitigated Crushing Blows] for prots
[Cloak of Resisted Dots] for warlocks

Sounds pretty palatable, no?
====================

We should have gotten Insanity, but we went into phase 3 with the Exhaustion debuff. It was my fault-- I forgot that taking my shirt off triggers global Heroism.

Our pro MT grabbed Anub by the balls and whipped him around like it was nothing to worry about. I told him that was some legit maneuvering skillz, and he said “Nah man, tanking’s easy. I don’t even have a mouse-- I use my laser printer to strafe around.”

If you find whatever you’re tanking is giving you the stress worthy of loots and attention, you’re an amateur unfit for tanking. Go roll a ret pally and kill cobras in sholozar basin.
========================

I once received a scam blizzard email that looked so real. It was uncanny. I hope the scammer go DIAF, but I wasn’t angry. I appreciate his respect for my intelligence--the guy put in a lot of effort to legitimize the look and feel of that email.

On the other hand, I am pissed at Ecwhcxejb. I'm sure he has no intention of compromising my account, but he’s got no respect for me. He thinks I’m so stupid he can trick me with hello! cup your balls and go to a;sdlfkjaidvpaoijdof to chat with Ferraro #5!

=======================================
When I first started playing ret, I bound the spells on keys 1 through 5 so I can slide my finger back and forth...oh, what a huge nub I was.

Now I have transcended to the level of sustaining my dps just by looking at the keyboard. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you'll miss all that heavenly glory.

The Shoveltusk

2010-01-13T09:47:00.008-07:00

"Third eye blind."

--

Hi guys.

There's been some good reads and heated opinions on various WoW topics like:

Tanks/Healers vs DPS
Gearscore/Elitist Group type baddons
Dungeon Finder and who is carrying who

I'd love to chime in on some of these discussions and call everyone noobs, but I'm putting my focus on finishing this last week of Season 7 strong.

Go play somewhere, mommy's busy.

Not to mention I already spoke my piece of what I think of tanks and healers a looooong time ago on my retired blog. I got flamed alot for it, but I still stand by it---tanks are primadonnas and healers are pussies.

Have fun flaming each other without me. Just one protip while j00 get ur debatez on---try and see things as they are, try and see things as they should be, and then try and see how the 2 can be reconciled.

--

Once upon a time, there was a Duke who was declared ruler of Westguard Keep. He was to leave his place in Stormwind and travel to Northrend to take up his new position. He had been there once before to monitor a stage of the building project and was happy to move.

In the months of planning for this journey, he decided he wanted to finally get married and bring his wife with him on this fresh start. He began looking for prospects.

The city Tailor at that time had 3 beautiful daughters. One was a Mage, one was a Priest, and one was a Warlock. The Tailor presented all 3 to the Duke one day in hopes that fortune might smile on one of them with such a secure future.

The Duke admired their beauty, but knew that a partner in life should also be intelligent. So he told them that he would make his decision based on how they responded to a small test. The test was this story:

"One day while I was out in Howling Fjord with 3 of my close advisers, we came upon a Hunter who had just successfully trapped a Shoveltusk.

He was about to lay the killing blow, but I stopped him and ordered him to go away. I turned to my advisers and said, 'There is a beast here called a Shoveltusk---which of you can offer me its true definition?'

Now my 3 advisers were very smart and long trusted---but they were also physically blind from birth. Each of them grabbed onto a different part of the Shoveltusk.

The one who grabbed onto the tail said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is thin, wiry and flexible---almost like a whip.'

The one who grabbed onto the mane said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is furry, the hair is coarse and weathered---almost like a rug.'

The one who grabbed onto the tusk said, 'The Shoveltusk is a beast that is hard and rigid---almost like a bone.'"

After he finished his story, he asked the 3 daughters which person in the tale was the most wise and true?

The eldest daughter, the Mage, spoke up first.

"The wisest and most true was the 3rd adviser, who grabbed onto the tusk. While it is true that the beast does have a tail and a mane, its namesake, Shoveltusk, takes after the tusk itself which satisfies a true definition", she answered.

The next daughter, the Priest, spoke up second.

"This is a trick question and a very clever one. The wisest and most true is in fact none of the 3 advisers at all. They are blind and cannot see the whole picture---they can only grasp a single part of the Shoveltusk.

The one in this story who can see the whole picture is the Duke himself, who is standing back and looking at the advisers foolishly trying to cling onto the truth," she answered.

Then everyone looked to the youngest daughter, the Warlock. She had a terrible scowl on her face. Finally she spoke:

"This is indeed a trick question, but it is not clever at all. In fact it is quite stupid. None of the 3 advisers nor the Duke himself are the wisest and most true---in fact they are all stupid, with the Duke being in most error. The Duke prevented the Hunter in the story from claiming his hunt just to waste time with superficial nonsense.

In this case, the Hunter was the wisest and most true---had he been allowed to continue, the meat from the Shoveltusk could have fed his family and friends. The fur could have been turned into clothing to protect his family and friends from the cold. The bones could have been made into new hunting tools to teach his family and friends to hunt as he does, ensuring their future prosperity.

The Hunter had the true definition all along, but you didn't even ask him. Idiot."

The Tailor was horrified as his youngest daughter had just called the Duke an idiot.

"Oh, one more thing," said Braids. "If I were there, I would have killed you and your advisers on the spot."

Tamarind is a LIAR

2010-01-12T07:53:00.007-07:00

An excerpt from the Mighty Righteous Orbs:

Lady Deathwhisper I have no clue about whatsoever. The other thing the fight brought home to me was this: DPS Get Bad Press. There’s too much talk about interchangeable DPS, or stupid DPS, or DPS just not being as important or necessary as tanks and healers. Bullshit. In that fight, I stood at the back in my sissy room and cast flash heal and prayer of mending (everybody was generally too spread out for AoE heals to be very effective) and that was it. A monkey could have done it, assuming you programmed my flash heal button to give him a banana, or an orgasm, every time he cast it. The DPS, by contrast, were changing targets, running around, controlling adds, co-ordinating attacks on the shield – and I was so bloody glad I didn’t have their job.

Ditto Deathbringer Saurfang.

Ok, I’m confused. He’s saying healing is easy, but Gordon is saying healing is hard.

This can only mean one of three things:

1) Tamarind is a liar

2) Gordon is a liar

3) They are both telling the truth according to their paradigm-- hard is a relative term. Pro healers find it monkey easy and are completely secure about dismissing its challenges. Insecure amateurs are so traumatized by the pressure of healing that they feel inspired to prove their worth and give inferiority complex to dps.

EDIT: I tried raid healing once and the stress was unbearable. Fortunately, I failed in such thoroughly convincing way that no one will ever ask me to do it again. I'm a scrub healer and just like all other scrub healers, I think healing is hard.
=======================

What Tamarind is doing is actually an advanced epeening technique I invented a few years back: calling your job easy makes those who find it hard look like nubs.

You wanna get into an electronic pissing match? I’ll see your ape-operated healbot and raise you THIS:

Those who claim to faceroll ret pally dps are scrubs. Rigorous physical contact with the keyboard is entirely unnecessary, especially not in repetition.

I sustain my dps by just looking at the keyboard. The keyboard’s not even plugged in, but it’s there so I can rest my cigarettes on it. When the raid leader calls for burst dps, I take my shirt off.

What’s up now?

Nobody likes reading self-righteous preachy posts, but ...

2010-01-10T07:13:00.007-07:00

“This ain’t no team! Ya’ll are bunch of individuals. All ya’ll!”
--Coach Benton (Jong's high school linebackers coach)
=============

I hesitated writing a response to Tanks and Healers Should Get The Biggest Rewards, because I thought it was either an obvious sarcastic post or an attention-drawing troll post.

Now I’m convinced that the author really believes the stuff he wrote.

To the extent he didn’t vomit all over the monitor after reading "they’re just meat in the room", I have serious doubts whether Matticus has a firm grasp on the concept of teamwork.

Raiding: It’s a Team Sport. You're damn right it is.

Anyone can provide a textbook definition of team, but not everyone actually understands the power and fragility of a team.

Do you know why so many so-called “progression raiding guilds” can’t progress even with all their time, gears, and skill?

It’s because those guilds have at least one Prima Donna who believes his role/efforts/time is more significant than those of others.

All it takes is ONE. All it takes is one guy to blurt out stupid shit like “[I am] the heart and soul of the group” to hose the entire raid’s vibe. He doesn’t even have to say it. All he has to do is think it and the raid is done—it’s no longer a team; it's a bunch of individuals.

A bunch of individuals will wipe on Dalaran Squirrel. Barney (that's what I named him) will shellac them with pride-obliterating bitch slaps.

Gears will drop. Skill cap is readily obtainable for the willing and the initiated. However, understanding and demonstrating appreciation for teamwork is a daunting task that many fail to complete within their life time.
=====================

"Thanks for everyone's comments... let’s not make a mountain out of a mole hill!"

By asking the readers whether we agreed or disagreed, Matticus implied there's a room for discussion on the topic.

Think of it this way: If Spitfire submitted that article as a part of his application to your guild, would you consider his candidacy seriously?

You know what my Warrior Tank GM would have done? He would have made the biggest fucking mountain out of molehill so he can crush his nuts with the mountain then give him a ginvite so he can gkick him on the spot.

A Door

2010-01-09T10:06:00.006-07:00

"WHY U DUN BUY ME MONGOOSE NO MOAR."

--

I love Saturday posting.

No one reads posts on Saturday. I could write whatever the hell I wanted and it wouldn't matter because its Saturday. I could write an autobiography that has nothing to do with WoW, Ret, or Forbearance---and it'd still count to my 2 guestposts per week quota, ke ke ke.

--

I'm so happy that Jong finally revealed his Dorf Pally's name!

I had to try real hard not to accidentally slip and blow up his spot---it's tough being Jong when you've impregnated half the women in Azeroth, do you know how many dailies he has to do to keep up with childsupport? No wonder he kept it on the low.

I still wish he stuck with Jong as the name though, don't you? Or at least shorten the new one to Barri so he can Divine Plea when his Barri's Mana low.

--

From now on whenever I'm at a bar and some obnoxious tool is trying to impress me, I'm gonna say I don't give a fuck about your 6figures, this isn't an autobiography, this is a bar---pay this tab nerd.

--

If you remember my Rogue, she was el peor a month ago.

And now.. well, she's still the worst, but the best kind of worst.

She's ready for Season 8 when it starts in about a week and a half.

She's rocking iLVL 232 wpns atm which is higher than I had planned.

But considering the fact that ICC is out in full swing + the new heroics, I'm thinking my series of posts that illustrate an undergeared alts journey to 1800 rating with no previous MMR will still work---because iLVL232+ will be the new standard of "low on the totem pole" in gear in a sea of 251's.

It's not going to be a howto series of posts, it's going to be more theoretical/fundamental. If you don't like PVP or don't like Arena, or hell, you just think you'd be bad at it, I'm hoping it'll light a fire somewhere. Get your foot in that door, a door, any door.

And then later on when you hit 1800+ too, you can impress people until they tell you they don't give a fuck, this ain't an autobiography, nerd.

--

Megs, why do you play so many alts?

Because.. I love toons, I do adore.

//I love toons, toons, toons, toons
//toons I do adore
//yo put ya talents on this paper
//cause I would love to spec ya
//holla at ya when I see gear score, ya

//I got this Shadow chica, she don't like me to raid
//so she call me bad Word plus Shadow Pain
//said she likes to DOT things so she likes to Flay
//I'm like - un momento mami, Fade up ya tempo
//I got this Prot War, she don't know Thunda Clap
//always cappin out Defense, tauntin Aggro snaps
//she like listen Meg-a-M'am, I don't care if you blog
//you better - H E A L B O T me
//I got this Lock chick that loves to Succ 'BIS
//she think she 'cess Leia with her Braids in a twist
//my - first Class amor - to Soul Well
//Heaven - you fine as fuck but you came outta Hell
//I got this Druid Elf, the day that I made her
//asked her what Form she with, Fur Bark or Feather
//she said all you need to know is I'm not a Rogue
//and to get with me you better Shapeshift like-a-pro

//now that's Shadow chick, Lock chick, Druidic and Prot
//that's Fort buff, Mark buff, damn I'm gettin HOTs
//Lazer con Pollo, Mind Flays Shockwave
//an Affliction for Destruction but I roll for Plate
//I love -

//toons, toons, toons, toons

//I got this Rogue chick, she so immature
//she like why you don't buy me Mongoose no more
//like to Stealth out in public, Knife Fan-trums on the floor
//gotta Sap a couple Distract, just to shaddup her trap
//Got a Hun-ter Twink, that Flares her spark
//and if she Disengaged y'all that's my heart
//baby girl so thorough, she been Beast from the start
//hit my burst from the Marks, hit my fun in Warsong
//I got this Frost Mage that don't Cook or Sheep
//but she Ice her ass off and her Blink is mean
//only thing wrong with ma, she always Kite the scene
//goddamn she's fine, but she Portals all the time
//I get frequent Pally Power from my Retribeaut chick
//she look right in that Judgement skirt, she Crits
//she gives me extra Blessins and Cleansin love
//so I had to introduce her to Forbearance Club

//now that's Rogue chick, Ret Pally, Hunter and Mage
//that means I Vanish early, Bubble every phase
//that means I Feign Death, Ice Block escapin heat
//but I never have a problem with repair bills neat

//I love toons, toons, toons, toons
//toons I do adore
//yo put ya talents on this paper
//cause I would love to spec ya
//holla at ya when I see gear score, ya

dps paladin

2010-01-07T07:05:00.007-07:00

Do you remember the dark TBC days when DPS Paladin was an oxymoron? Little Big Toe. Jumbo Shrimp. Christian Bisexual. DPS Paladin.

And look where we are now!

Yo soy un paladín DPS, y estoy en el fuego.

I was inspired by the words of Mencius, so I walked up to a girl at a bar:

"Hey baby, what’s your unbuffed crit at? You mind if I utilize your recu…."
I suffered a minor concussion, which is what happens when your brain ricochets amok.
===============

As soon as I teleported to the Upper Spire, I was like, whoa, free boat ride for three! and got owned by the Air Frogger 2.0.

Festergut runs on a 5-minute enrage timer. It's a straight-up dps check, which means it’s time to really utilize recun…
Your ninja assassination rouges will own this fight. It's probably not the most ideal encounter for ret pallies, but I still done real good, because I’m Jong.
World of log parse.

Posting recount on your blog--hey look at me!--is a terrible idea. What if somebody goes, oh yeah? how you like THESE apples? and you look dumb.

I like them apples. I made a pie.
==========================

Sometime ago, TooManyAnnas wrote, PvPers aren’t asshats--Asshats are asshats.

Very true. For every PvP asshat you call out, I’ll show you two PvE asshats. I’ll see your lolol, and raise you lolwutkek.

Have you read Hoff’s posts? He’s got crazy arena rating, and he’s the nicest, most amicable guy. I generally come off as an overly humble and reserved ret pally, but if I had Hoff’s arena rating, I’d be talking so much smack we wouldn’t be able to have a normal conversation. I’d add WUT NAO?!?! to the end of every sentence.

Players who excel in both PvP and PvE are a rare breed, but when I see them in raiding scenes, they are awesome.

Unlike your average PvE’ers, they don’t freak out when things don’t go according to the “script”. WTF! What is this unfamiliar looking pool of crap they fail to highlight with MS Paint illustration on StratFu?

They are also very versed in use of utility spells. I ran heroic toc with this holy pally in relentless gears. She was dispelling so fast, I didn’t even know I was sheeped. Preemptive dispels… what a fascinating concept.

Oh, and this mage. He was a dps with the situational awareness of your Super Star OT. Jaraxxus was like, Imma charging my fire ba… COUNTERSPELL… talk to the hand, ok? Talk to the hand.

Wetribution Meters

2010-01-06T08:53:00.003-07:00

"Menciustral cycle---sorry, I had to."

--

One of my favorite reads is Mencius. I read his stuff when I want a casual break from the rigors of plowing through Vogue.

"If a man is ashamed of his work, he has only to turn to the practice of manhood-at-its-best. Engaging in manhood-at-its-best may be compared to archery.

The archer corrects his own stance and then shoots. If, after shooting, he misses the target, he does not get angry with those who did better. He simply seeks out the defects in himself."

--

Most think that Recount has to do with epeen (that's the technical scientific term---for you ghetto fab slang users, internet penis) and its size and worth.

This is where people go wrong, because its not a penis at all. It's a vagina.

Let me explain. Recount is more like a vagina because:

1) When a vagina is used for pure utility purposes, it either pops out a baby (new life) or gets rid of waste (better life).

2) When a vagina isn't used for pure utility purposes, someone is just getting fucked.

There you have it, you heard it here first on Forbearance, a blog dedicated to the "raiding wetribution paladin's soul"---Recount is actually Recunt and has nothing to do with penis.

When used to test a spec/rotation/whatever to give birth to a new standard of play or when used to pinpoint and eliminate specific problems in an encounter, vajayjay++.

Anything else is fucking around. For pure entertainment/enjoyment purposes, you might as well go straight for the addon Critoris.

the great baseball analogy I totally thought of first

2010-01-04T15:03:00.008-07:00

Hai Gusy!

First, I have a question because I have a score to settle with someone.

In your professional heroic chain pugging opinion, which of the following is nubbier?

a) Falling off the ledge in FoS and having to run all the way back because no one can rez you.

b) Dying to Gundrak snake boss’ Poison Nova as a ROGUE.

In order to help you make an informed, impartial decision, let me just tell you that somebody pushed me over. Let me also add that a rogue dying to poison is like hunter getting shot to death by a warrior.
======================

From Syrana's gift-giving post:

Well, you know how I like to keep soul shards of those I encounter as a sort of trophy… Do you have a secret stash of trophies that we don’t know about?

Dress shoes. My dad told me that well-maintained shoes win games.

I use cream-based polish and shine them with non-abrasive cloth (e.g. cotton panties). I put shoe trees in them and store them wrapped in imbued netherweave.
======================

Double Standards

Several bloggers have opined on the principles of bringing the A game to heroics. Like a good lawyer, I can build effective arguments from either side. If I were to take a step back and look at the big picture, I’d end up with a baseball analogy. Ari wrote it, but I thought of it first, so I win.

RNG HEROIC PUGS

I’m willing to carry the scrubbiest nubs with no complaints. It’s not because I’m trying to heal the world and make it a better place for you and for me and for anti-human race. I couldn’t care less about them. I love me, and since they’re not me, I don’t care.

I’m willing to carry them, because I’ve conducted a cold, objective cost-benefit analysis, and the benefits of quietly carrying them exceed the emotional cost of getting involved with them in any sort of way.

RNG heroic is a neighborhood drunk JV t-ball league. It’s easier to slug out 5 grand slams by myself than trying to enlighten them with Yoplait contest messages: Come on! TRY at least! Please Try Again.

RAIDS

I have the highest standards for raiding etiquettes. Proper gems, enchants, and spell rotations are basic. It’s so basic that mere discussion of it is embarrassing. You know what else is basic? If there was a hidden achievement called Start 5 Consecutive Raids at the Posted Raid Time, 95% of the guilds would fail, and I wouldn’t touch those guilds with a 10-foot pole.

I hold such high standards, because no individual can save the day in a competitive raiding environment; it requires all of us to bring our A game. If the hunter messes up ONE misdirect on Anub’s burrower, it’s a wipe. If the pally misses ONE holy wrath, it’s a wipe, and there’s nothing superstar tanks, healers, or Alex Rodriguez can do about it. Welcome to MLB.

Time to Rock

2010-01-02T10:08:00.003-07:00

"It's music to the ears---even Blood Elf ones."

--

Linking this again to terrorize Belfwetter (plus it has to do this with post):

--

Pantigen wrote earlier in comments:

How you have time to type out custom-made song lyrics when you're busy at work is beyond me...

I'll respond quickly here while he's in MIA on a trip to Germany so he can't backtalk.

I'm one of those people who constantly has music in their head.

I will listen to anything at least once, I don't hate on a genre cause of a few bad apples, I might be missing out on the gems. Plus, sometimes stuff can be so bad, it's good. It works with bflicks and cult movies, it works with music.

I am a sucker for a good bass line, uptempo violins and brass---hell, a glass bottle of Coke and 2 chopsticks can do it for me.

My Goddaughter received drums this past Christmas from her parents. I laughed at them, because of the noise she was going to make in their house (my Mother would have ducktaped my hands to the "quieter" piano if I had ever mentioned something like drums back in the day).

So the Warlock and Pally inside of me had a quick discussion:

"She's getting drums!"
"Yes, we should get her lessons so she can learn and fine tune her musical potential while she's still youn---"
"WE'RE TOTALLY GETTING HER ROCKBAND2 + THE DRUMS TO ANNOY HER PARENTS DOUBLEPLUS!"

She was very happy while sitting behind either of the drumsets. I told her she rocked, she said NO I DRUM. No, you "rock".. NO I DRUM.

Anyways, like I said I've got music in my head 24/7. This is because certain lyrics or segments of the instrumental will stick with me long after the song has stopped.

I'm sure everyone has experienced having a "song stuck in their head" but for me, it gets stuck and then spreads to whatever else I'm doing on a daily basis, work, commuting, etc.

So when I'm playing WoW and it happens, well.. the parodies write themselves.

MOP's Ante Up becomes "Queue Me Up, yo sap that fool, he wanna grind honor, corpse camp that tool" when I'm in WSG pwning the hell out of people.

Daft Punk's One More Time becomes "One More Phase, we gon' heal-a-tank, oh yah alright, don't stop the looting" when the raid is pushing into an epic phase3 Anub.

Don't look at me like that.

By the time I get to opening up "new post" days later, most of the song has been pretty much already converted to WoW related stuff in my head, the rest is just filler fluff or setting in links or namedropping other bloggers. Anyone who has blogged knows, if the content is pretty much fleshed out already, everything else is so easy even a Destro Lock could do it.

I guess you could say, it just comes together nicely and I enjoy it---when you enjoy something and then some, it doesn't take long at all.

--

2010 is official. Yes, it's just another year, just another decade.. but you keep adding stuff to a year, you remix it a little, you spin it with your personal style, and oh what a wonderful time it becomes.

Let's rock.

coffee thoughts

2009-12-30T07:45:00.011-07:00

1) Megun’s last post was all about herself cleverly disguised into giving me the floor. What do readers care about more: a) my 100th post or b) Wreath of the Megun’s Panties?

I really wish she’d stop encouraging gnome from instilling images of pantie-seeking gnome running around my luxuriously elegant condo.

2) I like the last boss in Nexus and I like Hodir. I like jumping and those fights give me a legitimate purpose to jump continuously.

spacebar clown

3) Steve, the only non-Indian guy at my company's tech dev team, looks like he’d be really good at wow. He’s rocking a pony tail to compensate his rapidly receding hairline. He’s got manboobs and concave nipples rudely protruding through his faded t-shirt. Thick Smart Shade Change glasses.

It's one thing to be good at wow. It’s entirely another thing to look like you’d be good at wow.

4) I think WSSR is still the best looking range weapon in the game. This is my wolvar hunter and her pet Rafa.

5) During my college summers, I worked as a bartender at Shock-o-Bottom, a bar district in Richmond, VA. Richmond sucks. It’s like Gotham city except there’s no Batman.

Many of my heavy tippers were bartenders who work at other bars. Bartenders tip bartenders, because they understand.

I never get mad at that one DPS who always delays the dungeon q. That guy waited for 35 minutes to q and fell asleep at the keyboard. I understand.

6) Gevlon and Ari recently covered RAWR. I thought those were helpful posts for new players.

I couldn’t believe there were so many trolls:

a) Why would you want to taint the truth with things like numbers and data? My dps is all about feelings. It comes from right here, the bottom of my heart.... you've read Jong Tsu Chronicles one too many time.

b) I don’t need RAWR. I’m from Texas, bitch... yeah, because reliance on a model is the surest sign of weakness.

c) RAWR is all wrong. It assumes uninterrupted, single-target stationary fights. No fights are like that… yeah, and the mankind should do away with thermometer since it doesn’t account for humidity and wind-chill effect. That’s what models are supposed to do: measure a variable in isolation from all other variables.

d) I built my own model. I am right and RAWR is wrong. How do you know you’re right you delusional elitist? Even the ubber nerds at TEJ constantly cross-calibrate their models against RAWR and other models.

7) 8) Yesterday, I learned that I can turn stonekeeper shards into honors into epic gems. I had 1400 stonekeeper shards :D

9) I really like the retreating sequence in HoR. It's packed with so much action.

"Prevent the scourges from disrupting my incantation!"

"I don't know what that SAT word means! But I won't let these scourges stop your spell channeling!"

10) This is a very creative guild application submission. Probably something ixobelle would pull off.

11)

Jedi Post Trick

2009-12-28T09:29:00.003-07:00

"This isn't the post you're looking for."

--

So, I noticed there hasn't been a post since last week.

Scratch that, there was a post, but Jong deleted it---did you happen to catch it too? I swear it was up for like a split second, but then the viagra had a bad reaction to the eggnog and dooooooooown it went.

Just to double check, to make sure that he wasn't going to repost it up, I checked the list to make sure it wasn't a draft in limbo. There, I noticed:

I noticed that this post ur readin rite now is gonna be el numero 100 for the Forbearance Blog.

Actually, I lied, that's not what I noticed FIRST.

First I noticed how fucking depressed I was because Jong has surpassed me in the power of blogging and how many comments he gets avg. per post.

I once tried striking him down on my old blog but he became more powerful than I could have ever imagined---I should have heeded those wise words from the Jedi I once ran into at the Blacksmith this one time:

--

So then I noticed that his blog had 99 posts and a bitch ain't one. That's quite the feat no matter what type of blogger you are.

Now I KNOW there's some technical semantics.. for instance, Jong has deleted a buncha posts, for what reasons I dunno, that's his call to make. Then there's also that 1 guest post this month from Gnomeageddon.

I looked it up on EJ and the AP (Actual Post) equivalent of a post from a Gnome is 1 to .5---which would make the blog 99.5 total posts.

Whatever, this post is #100!

But like a good guest blogger I am, I know my role. I am the sideshow to Jongryana, it's only right that the legendary supafly Ret Ranger himself have the honor of post 100.

So I'll leave this post up for about half the day and then delete it at some point.

Or I'll just leave this post up and delete Gnomeageddon's post, that fucker stole some of my panties. I barged into his room and confronted him about it, he said BUT OH MEGS, it's all about spreading holiday cheer!

Then he pointed above my head, and there affixed on the frame of the doorway were my panties + decorative holly/bells. I said WTF did you really make mistletoe with my underwear and he corrected me---he said it was cameltoe.

Halp me obiwon.

Go

2009-12-22T09:35:00.004-07:00

"On your mark.. get set.."

--

For lunch today I went out to grab something quick to eat, been very busy at work.

I went to the vending machine but couldn't get my usual Diet Coke because it fucking had a USA Today newspaper rolled up and stuck in the slot where the can drops.

Some moron prolly thought he could get multiple sodas for the price of 1 with his elaborate macgyver-esque plan that combines the power of.. well, rolling up a newspaper and being a cheapo.

If anyone has any information on where I can find the culprit who made me supa thirsty, please halp me out so I can USA Toslay him across the fase.

--

Speaking of thirsty, one of my go to drinks when I'm out is a Manhattan with Makers Mark, go light on the Vermouth.

I think that would be my Locks signature drink. If she gets hit on at the Pig and Whistle by some Human DK with DBZ hair, she can make him go meet his Makers.

--

And speaking of Maker, it's almost big JC's burfday, is it marked on your calendar? You can forget all about Tailor Swift's burfday, but don't forget about JC, he'll be supa sad.

I'll prolly have one more holiday flavored post if I can find the time before. If not, then I wish you all a Merry Christmas right nao.

If you're hitting up family/holiday party events, make sure you change specs, show a little Forbearance, and go!---tell 'em Jong and Megs sent ya. Be safe.

--

//[go, go] [go, go, go, go ,go]
//[and on the count of three]
//[go, go] [go, go, go, go, go]
//[and on the count of three]
//[go, go] [go, go, go, go, go]

//[uh, on the count of three]
//[everybody flip specs like they oak-a-leys]

//ya brah, ya girl is back, lay hands nerf retract
//tell the blog roll the truf' is back
//you ain't gotta argue about who could blog
//cause the proof is back, just go through my logs
//forbear forbear - yah where my pallies at
//where my beaconers, where my vengeance stacks
//I don't care what ya do for badge
//I know the blue glued ya class to the ground
//ya gotta wings through that
//I been through that, been bot at, heal crap
//gotta keep it peace like a trade chat
//I ain't a noob jack, nobody gon' one two shot me
//got points in prot see, move back
//bet I cleave, holy knight
//the more space I get the better I kite
//oh - never I spite, but - if - ever I write
//I need the space to king wisdom 'n might
//now just -

//change specs and go [go, go, go, go ,go]
//[and on the count of three]
//you know I stay, not one spec [go, go]
//ya girl from the blogjects
//and ima take you to the top of icecrown
//so let's go -
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go, go]
//[uh, on the count of three]
//[everybody flip specs like they oak-a-leys]

//and I ain't gon' tell you again let's get adds and hardmode
//you could bring your friend we could make this a shardmode
//or you could queue by yourself and you can cap nodes
//best believe I P - V - P, give keyboard scrubs gnerd R - A - G - E
//all you get if you can't bind it
//back it on up like ya s key stuck
//then run and tell 'em pugs you read rafa's new shit
//she and the boy jongelf make beautiful post-its
//he is to the blog post what jerks is
//to the spread sheets what champs is to news bits
//young raf' in the house it's so necessary
//no tears with the gears it's so necessary
//no pity with wit that's so necessary
//now why you trollin on me, is that necessary
//do I to you, look like a noob
//who don't understand a game with a team improve
//whose up on dot dot lock and vera rouge
//brah did you get schooled
//let's just - [what ya want me to do]

//[and on the count of three]
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go ,go]
//you know I stay, not one spec [go, go]
//ya girl from the blogjects
//and ima take you to the top of icecrown
//so let's go -
//change specs and go [go, go, go, go, go]
//[uh, on the count of three]
//[brah I promise you no substitute]
//it's just me

today's paper

2009-12-21T07:40:00.007-07:00

7 AM.

I get me a cup of gingerbread latte from the corner starbucks and walk up to a newspaper machine.

Once I open the dispenser with 75 cents, I have access to the entire stack of USA Today. It takes me 75 cents to get to the first paper, but the dispenser has no mechanism to stop me from getting the 2nd, 3rd, and every copy thereafter for free.

Still, I only grab one paper and close the door. It’s not because I’m particularly an upstanding citizen. If coca cola vending machine worked the same way, I’d grab as many drinks I as I can and stock up my fridge.

I simply have no interest or use for the second copy. In fact, someone would have to pay me to take additional copies. Anything beyond the first one is just a clunky stack of recycling material I have to carry around until I find a recycling bin.

The paper distributors didn’t implement single-copy dispensers, not because they are stupid, but because they know there is no marginal utility, or incremental benefits, to the second newspaper.
===================

The lfg system is a big nightclub. Dps has to wait in a long line. Tanks get on-demand right here right now dungeon que. You skip past everybody and the table’s all set up for you with grey goose vodka chilled in an ice bucket.

When I sign up to dps, I have to wait so long that I forget I ever qued. When I sign up to tank, I get the que window faster than the cooking window. It’s good to be a hybrid in lfg.

I wish the hybrid privileges carried over to the srs bzn raiding environment, but it doesn’t.

For tonight’s raid (ICC/anub), we went with 3/16/6 formation. I had to compete for 1 of 16 dps spots. I was chosen purely based on the merits of my dps. The fact that I am also specced & geared for tanking was absolutely irrelevant, because the marginal utility of a 4th tank is equal to that of a second newspaper.

Here are the things that are more relevant to the raid’s success than a 4th tank or a 2nd newspaper:

1) Pro mages that can decurse supafly dope style. They are absolutely critical in lady deathwhisper.

2) Rogues that can interrupt and trix. If a rogue messes up ONE trix on wave spawn in 25Anub hm, it’s a wipe. ONE.

3) Pro hunters that can md and dish out control range burst pop pop pop. My taekwondo instructor said, “Athletic kids learn pretty Hollywood kicks fast. You know what separates a gosu from an athletic scrub? Control. Controlled dps.” You only get 6 ice patches. That means you can’t just go popping all them like it’s Kinko’s bubble wrapper. Our hunter is a fucking ninja sniper who can drop them patch at the precise location at the exact time.

4) Pro warlocks that can… erm… summon pro style. Selfless warlocks that sacrifice personal dps for that insane caster buff. I don’t know what the spell is called, but it’s the one, if missing, makes all the casters go, “What? None of you?”

5) Core Hound Puppies. They roll over, dig grounds, and give me hours of entertainment.

I can’t come up with an ending paragraph. I think I was writing something on the relative value of hybrid dps-- does my hybridness (i can tank/heal/dps) provide privileges over pure dpsers in competitive raiding environment?

On that note, I still cannot believe I forgot Taylor’s birthday. It turns out I had set up my Outlook alarm for Dec 13th, 2010.

I’m so sorry baby.

A Miracle

2009-12-17T07:45:00.004-07:00

"Wait, what do you mean?"

--

For the record, I hate you guys.

I try and write sophisticated and posh guest posts and it's all like hohum, that's nice Megs---now let's get back to work on this intense Boggle session.. good Lord, Z T U N A T S U B, looks like gg for us, maybe we should have played Outburst tonight..

Then Jong posts the word BUSTANUTZ and everyone goes wild---the red carpet rolls out, confetti and flashflash snaparazzi go, ZOGM ITS JONG emerging from that pimp Maybach Benz, everyone smack him in the fase with awards, titties and 6slot bags of fel weed.

I'll have my day, mark my words---the Boggle Dungeon Finder Genie will give me OVARIANEXPLOSIONZ and I'll be spamming the IWIN button on my mouse so hard it'll break and I'll have no choice but to throw it out the window.

--

We killed that Orc DICKNITE boss in ICC10 last night. Our first few attempts involved leet Snottydin strats where I tried solohealing it while 8DPS and 1tank aimed to burn him before the 2nd Mark.

Those attempts failed miserably at 20% because I was so GCD starved and stressed that I ended up taking my mouse and throwing it out the window.

--

Our weeklyraid quest is Flame Leviathan from Ulduar.

It's pretty funny when it's Flame Leviathan as the weekly. I go up to the guy in Dalaran expecting to pick up a quest to kill an important and deadly boss that's key to the whole ICC operation, but the holographic image has a spinning Maybach on it---the quest reads FLAME LEVIATHAN MUST BUY!

I tried clicking on it but then I remembered I didn't have a mouse.

--

Ok guys, TIME OUT.

I don't understand why everyone is still posting about PUGfails, inadequate DPS, lolurgear and all other nonsense via Dungeon Finder.

You guys are supposed to be all holidaycheer and tistheseason, not Scrooge and Grinch Recounters.

You guys are supposed to be pillars in infotainment, a cut above the supposed troll forums of negativity and ignorance.

Don't you guys want to be the example that inspires and invites people to play better, as well as be better people?

What's the point of having howtoguides as posts, and then laugh and demean the exact people who would probably benefit from that guide the most. Ohwell, you just votekicked him, can't suggest the URL now. I guess that howtoguide is just for the people who already know howto?

What's the point of having tons of links and promo about ChildsPlay or whatever that charity drive was for kids---yah, toss a couple of bucks so hardknocklife Lil Timmy can play WoW, that'll cheer him up for the holidays. Now login Lil Timmy, hop into the Dungeon Finder so we can fucking go off on you for your gear/skill, l2p u failscrub---what were you in the fucking hospital or something? Merry Christmas Lil Timmy, go DIAF until your gearscore matches the donation totals.

It boggles my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I am very mean myself. I can make a PUGfail post that'll make ur PUGfail post cry in a corner. I'm the last one to sugarcoat things, you can ask my Arena team.

It's something I def. struggle with on a daily basis (if you've ever read my old blog in the past, I was not vera nice and outofcontrol a lot). I disappoint myself a lot because I let my meanness overtake my me-ness, and after my triumphant AHA moment of hatred and pwnage, I feel emptier and hollow than ever because no one involved won, everyone lost.

I don't like it when I'm that person because I know I could be so much more.

That's not suggesting I should automatically be happycheery nice, because nice can sometimes be even more mean than mean itself, and more fake to boot---again, overtaking my me-ness.

Either way, there was a higher road, I saw it and I didn't take it. That's even worse than being on the low road and not realizing something higher exists---there's always hope in that case, a miracle perhaps, someone or something might reveal it to you.

It's your blog, you can express and write about what you want, how you want. If you want to bash on people's failings for humor content, more power to you. There's a ton of it out there (not exclusive to WoW as a topic) and people eat it up like candy, it works.

It's the holiday season and the Dungeon Finder PUG fiasco is smack in the middle of it. People believe that miracles happen during the holidays, you can look at the stories and movies that come out. But miracles aren't always big LOOKATME events like Virgin births or flying Metzens---sometimes it's everyday small stuff like turning a WoW community into something that could be so much more, even if it's one PUGfail at a time.

--

Ok, TIME IN. Shoot for the Moon.

A Guest Post: Gnomeaggedon's "I Smell Xmas Panties"

2009-12-16T04:07:00.007-07:00

Urrrggghhh where am I?

Whose bed is this?

I remember a party, vaguely...

Lots of hair gel and Xmas bikinis.
Lots of DirtyGnomeDancing
I remember nearly drowning in the spa...

-----

Mmmm look at all those panties stuck to the ceiling!

What's that over there... A copy of BuffdBelf... Must be a body building magazine... Ohhh they don't wear many clothes while body building....

There is a scent to this room... Somewhere between Horde sweat, Tommy Belffieger colonge and Dwarf vomit.

----

Errrr this other room also has panties stuck to the ceiling...

Where the he'll am I?

Ohhh a copy of GnomesExposed... Mmm how did those pictures of me get in there?

Well, I sort of hope that I have a fan. I notice most of the pages are stuck together... Yeeeuuuccck!
----

It's too hard to tell which room is which.

Both have armor sets.
Both have panties stuck to the ceiling
Both have bottles of JD covering nearly all the floor space.
Both have bikini armor befitting a human, or maybe a Belf.

----

Ohhh look, a Xmas tree!

Mmmm most of the presents have already been opened...

Ahhh look, here's one with the a tag:

To: Oomaggedon
From: Gnomeaggedon

But, it's been opened... It's Gnome sized too....

-----

Now it all comes back to me....

I was cruising through Ironforge on my Strider with the Doof blaring out of my SSS (StriderSoundSystem) when that dodgy Dwarf Paladin shot me down. Wrapped me up and posted me....

HERE?

Ohhh yeah, then there were all those girls ripping the paper off... Ripping my robes off... Dressing me as Santa's little helper and..... /blush

I guess that means I had a Merry Xmas Panty Party

Merry Christmas to the incredible duo of Jong and Megan...

Many happy blog posts of the season to you and your readers!

Gnomer and Out!

auto deny

2009-12-14T08:43:00.006-07:00

I need to make a run to the grocery. If you opened my refrigerator door right now, you’ll feel Zen-like tranquility that can only be obtained from the complete lack of materials.
===============

Tiger Woods’ wife is a Norwegian super-model. He’s got perfectly dry-aged grass-fed fillet Mignon sizzling at home, but he’s like “yo quiero taco bell”, and goes to taco bell.

What’s he gonna say to his daughter when she grows up?

“Hey kiddo, I know the voice message I left on the cocktail waitress’ cell phone is floating on youtube as a slow-jam remix, but have I told you I used to have endorsements from Accenture, Buick, and Nike?”

More importantly, what is he going to say to me? I used to wear matching TW hat & windbreaker every where I went and told people to call me Tiger Jong. Well, I don’t wanna be called Tiger Jong anymore. What do you think of that?
==============

I’m running into all kinds of characters with this new pug system. I’m sad that I didn’t screen shot the 1100 dps warlock spamming recount in party chat to rebuke the 800 dps dk. Oh, and the spriest: Oh man, my spell power is the same as the year I was born. 1994!
==================

This guy didn’t do anything to me. He’s ignored in my book by the sheer virtue of spazzing out in front of the character creation screen: busta-n-u-t-z [enter]. He rolled a toon named bustanut, leveled it to 80, and made efforts to gear it out. I feel pretty comfortable auto denying him if he ever applied to my guild.

You know who else deserves auto-deny? Dudes who play male belf dks. Girls may choose whatever race/gender combo solely based on looks, because that’s one of the perks of being a girl.

Orc pets do extra damage. Orcs have axe specialization and every sought-after 2h weapons have been axe since the inception of the hero class. This means these dudes rolled a male belf dk because:

1) They like the way male belf looks; they wanna be associated with Fabioso the Fabulous.

2) They spazzed out in front of the character creation screen.

Or

3) They’re nubs.

All of the above are grounds for auto-deny. If you feel inspired to stand up and stomp me by listing the belf racials (e.g., voluminous hair), sit down. That’s like listing the sheek, metro-sexual functionalities of a man purse so you can rock a man purse.
===============

EDIT:

*Elin is Sweedish, not Norwegian (I wrote this here without looking up anything. I trust Larisa's suspicion more than internet facts.)

*Orcs are so good I wish I could be orc paladin.

*Rhidach has earned the right to winwax. He probably rolled a belf dk for the same reason I wear pink shirts: as a display of utmost confidence in my manhood. I didn't add this to #4 because I didn't want all the scrubs jumping on this bandwagon.

*I think so-called "male" belf is hilarious.

Why MEME 2010

2009-12-11T08:26:00.005-07:00

"Looking forward to it as always."

--

Why God, why? I mean.. rly?? Aren't MEME's like SO LAST YEAAAAAR?

Why would I be concerned about what's so last year, especially when it's about the last year. I only live in the NOW, amateurs.

Fine fine..

--

What did you do in the World of Warcraft in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Well that one's ez pz.

I never had a LVLcap Horde toon before (they've all been Twink projects), but I finally rolled and got a Horde character to LVL85!

And yes, it's a Goblin.

I will be making a separate blog JUST for her---her name is Revlon and it'll be a blog about 2 main points:

1) How to hit the goldcap over and over by taking simple ingame plain letters from the mailsystem, scribbling "Glyph of X", "Glyph of Y" and "Glyph of Z" on them, and selling them to the S&Ms (suckers & mongrels.. remember, there's Worgen now) who actually think they're real glyphs.

2) WinWax poetic about various social and philosophical topics backed by data and analysis from the experiments of Scientologists. Anyone who argues with me will feel my wrath. I can only be appeased by BAITING me with KoreanBBQ and Alcohol.. grumblegrumble.

The blog will be named meadymoblin.blogspot.com, look out for it this coming 2011!

What was your favorite new place that you visited?

I really liked the Emerald Dream zone they added in patch 4.1, the use of phasing was spectacular. I don't want to spoil too much for the people who haven't been able to complete the attunement, but it really tailors to each player for a great experience.

Let's just say that while you thought the background downloader was working as usual, Blizz was actually in your documents/pictures folders as well as recording your FireFox browser history to create the illusion of "dream"---my startzone was littered with Godiva and Movados and even had an NPC named Jay Chou.

Although it is suspect.. I wonder what the Emerald Dream is for Riv and Gnomeaggedon.. they zoned in together and I still haven't seen either of them, it's been days..

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

More Resilience, they keep saying it'll fix it.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I guess my biggest achievement of 2010 was convincing all the top WoW bloggers to xfer and racechange to a single server and start a raiding guild together. The guildtag is Blogin Authenticating and we even have a sister alt guild that we do joint raids with sometimes called Disconnected.

We're totally going to kill Deathwing worldfirst. Or we'll end up just killing each other. I don't really care either way.

We even have BBB being the GM of the guild! That's a huge achievement, right? I mean didn't he have a breakdown or something in 2009? Well he's back bitches, as the G motherfucking M.

I mean, someone has to talk Jong out of gquitting every other day right? I'm sure BBB can handle it (Jong's still bitter about not getting the legendary polearm Naturemourne from the rehashed AQ40 instance that Blizz used as their entry level raid for Cataclysm).

What was your biggest failure?

I never fail, period.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

When North Korea finally stopped building nukes after the release of Starcraft 2.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Drink and smoke.

What was your favorite WoW blog or podcast?

I really can't say, I've been way out of the loop. I quit blogging in the middle of 2010 for a few months and only recently rejoined the community by this guestposting jig on Rindsay Rohan's Blessing of Kings.

It's been pretty cool too, I always thought of Rohan as the solid, straightup no BS type of blogger.. maybe a bit of a square (and not the Grid kind square) in his language and style---but behind the scenes WOW.

Let's just say he can do more shots than a Troll Hunter and so many lines of "dream dust" that my Enchantrix mod just stops working.

Hey, I'll use this opportunity to catch up---what happened to that larisagnome, I heard her blog career ended because she tragically got hugged to death in 2009, true/false?

Sorry Larisa, but MJ still had the greatest death of all time.

Tell us a valuable WoW lesson you learned in 2010.

Be very careful when you're in a rush and joining a group/raid as a certain role.

With the new Path of Titans interface to keep up, sometimes I gloss over my TriSpec options and totally start healing as my Ret/Ninja/Baker spec. The group got real mad and votekicked me so hard my toon ended up in a TieFighter dogfight on the new Star Wars MMO.

I was so dumbstruck that I didn't have time to yell at the noobs in BG chat (that's BattleGalaxy) who insisted on "just let them cap 3 moons so I can get my marks".

--

See you guys in 2011, peace.

Apples and Apples

2009-12-08T08:42:00.004-07:00

"The core, is always the same."

--

How come everytime I log into Gnomeaggedon's server, he's never on to throw me a ginvite. What the hell is his problem---is he like, from fucking Australia or something?

Maybe it's because I haven't quite figured out the time difference in servers. Plus I can't find Australia on the map.

I press M, but it's totally not in Northrend or Eastern Kingdoms. Might be Outlands. I haven't checked Kalimdor either---no really, I HAVNT CHEKKED KALIMDOOR.

Because I can't. On most of my toons, what has been "cleared and revealed" on Kalimdor maps is:

1) Darnassus
2) Theramore
3) Gadgetzan
4) Orgrimmar (cause I'm the fucking Hero of)

The rest is uncharted blobs of default maptexture. Sometimes I get bored when I'm flying from Darnassus to Gadgetzan so I use the blank space to play Sudoku.

Australia could be any one of those. I'm a busy person---you can't expect me to waste time looking for a city (it's a city, rite?) that might not even be there.

Anyway, back to Gnome---everyone else is already having fun, why can't I?

I was in a Isle of Conquest on my Rogue the other night. While about 14 people spammed "GO DOCKS" (and 10 of those people went to Hangar), I went Workshop.

I always go Workshop actually, but this time I HAD to go Workshop. Because someone else was going to Workshop and I had to get a pic:

--

Speaking about my Rogue, she's tons of fun so far. It's been 5 days since she hit LVL80.

There's still a few items I'd like her to have before Season 8 is officially released. No worries, Santa's coming soon and I'm sure he'll say something like, "HOHOHO, I-see-see that she's been very nice this year."

--

Jong says that he's a MinMaxer and I'm not. So true, I'm a WinWaxer (just flip the M's upsidedown).

A WinWaxer is sort of like a MinMaxer---they both have the same goal (to win) but arrive differently. Sorta like PVE and PVP I guess.

You can plug in all the numbers you want into a spreadsheet, but it will never tell you how good you are at 5-8 kiting, or even when 5-8 kiting will win it for you. If you adhere to FCFS in PVE, props to you. If you adhere to FCFS in PVP, that generally means:

1) Flag Carrier, First Served
2) Forget Cleanse, Forget Skill

So when Jong shows me cool Ret Pally threads on how it should be Relentless Meta so I can socket 1x Prismatic and avoid all Blue sockets, I don't feel bad or guilty I'm not MinMaxed.

I quietly slip a Sovereign Dreadstone into my SoCleavage and giggle like Snottydin would. I can cap a flag, cap a node, drive a vehicle, win an Arena match with 1 HP left---but I can't do any of those with 0 HP.

Of course, I'm not saying MinMaxed is inferior to WinWaxed or viceversa. And it's not even the cliche Apples/Oranges thing either---it's Apples and, you guessed it, motherfucking Apples.

When I give my Goddaughter an Apple, I slice it up for her and put it on a plate so she can learn to be ladylike, chew better for easier digestion, share pieces with her friends, and growup to win.

When I eat an Apple, I sink my teeth straight into it and lockitdown---I can walk around with my hands free, getting ready for work, doing up my hair, putting on mascara, or the millions of other things I do to win.

--

If you liked the vid that Jong posted of 2NE1 in his last post, and you liked the vid of 4MINUTE that I posted way back (I know Flairioch did at least to relive her Junior High School days), then enjoy this deadly combination while you patch up 3.3 all day:

It's almost like combining the power of a MinMaxer and a WinWaxer, all on the same blog.. someone should definitely look into that sort of thing---it's so good, I wonder why it's not already done. I propose.. Gevlon and the Pope.

Both make absurd amounts of money, and both I would like to see drive around in that funnylittle gocart.

The Best Kind of Night Clubs

2009-12-06T11:29:00.007-07:00

Paladin Schmaladin has been souped-up. Ferraro just hired Hoff, an undisputed authority figure in ret pvp, and Trajer, a raider from Premonition.

I’m not jealous, because MY GUEST POSTER CAN BEAT UP UR GUEST POSTERS.

Megan, just so you know, you have full admin rights to the site and you can do whatever you want. You can change the blog address to http://www.iheartbeefpadthai.com/ and title it PHOBEARANCE, and I wouldn’t care. And if one day, I find that I can’t log into my own site, I’ll be like, “Oh, I guess I’ve been kicked off”, and go right back to eating my ice cream.
================

The best kind of night clubs in Korea are the ones operated by organized crime groups.

/que Rough Riders' Anthem

It’s platinum night. Imma get decked out here-come-the-M-I-B style. My girl’s hair’s all kapow kapow let’s GO. She’s got panda bear eyeliners and belly button ring bling bling bip bop a shoop. I’m gonna be dropping $500, which means I expect to have a good time without stupid drunks getting in my way.

When drunks start acting silly because they think they can get away with it, they get ONE WARNING—Sir, may I help you? They better take the hint within 10 seconds, or they’ll be smothered by fifteen arms warriors coming out of the kitchen blade storming.

I don’t have to get involved with the scrubs at all. I just chill out and have a good time.

I love TEJ forums. When scrubs come there posting irrelevant, non-constructive conjectures, they get bashed right quick. I don’t have to sift through other people’s feelings, philosophies, hopes or dreams. I get hard-cold facts and I’m out. Thank you come again.

Megan says that posters on holy pally threads are nutty—“Stack int!” “NO stack spell power!” “NO Your mom’s a whore!”

I find the ret pally posters to be very respectful. Not so friendly, but respectful. They never argue for the sake of argument and have no problem admitting their own mistakes. In ways, the forum is more civilized than any other wow forum:

“Oh, thank you for catching that mistake. I did not consider the second derivative of haste when expanding the denominator of the equation per Ito’s Lemma. Could you pass me Grey Poupon?”
=====================

I am a min-maxer. I have no qualms about destroying 3 epic gems to squeeze out 2 attack power. I dropped eng/mining to pick up jc/bs coming into WotLK. If Janitor/Para Legal turns out to be the professions in vogue in Cataclysm, guess what I’ll be doing?

Megan is not a min-maxer. She has to match every socket color. She says ignoring socket color feels like playing Connect Four with the Scrabble letter blocks. She also runs around with a relentless POLEARM even though she’s a human. I would love to make fun of her: UR a hugeee nub. Humans are supposed to use sword or mace, k?.... but I can’t.

What if she replies, “Oh, okay. Can you show me how you enchanted your relentless weap… oh I’m sorry, YOU DON’T HAVE IT.”
==================

Thanks to the troll who ruined my night club scene with a bucket of cold water in the form of Bill Cosby, I'd like to rephrase panda bear eyeliners to raccoon eyeliners. Just to be clear, this is what I mean:

Has anub gotten your raid down? Don't you drag your shoulders in there. Get your chin up and tell him you go by the name of CL of 2NE1 and you're about to set the FUCKING ROOF ON FIRE. EH EH EH EH EH EH EH-O.

To the Choir

2009-12-04T09:19:00.004-07:00

"Trust me, beneath you is a place where you don't want to go."

--

I've been reading the forums a lot.

Do you know some people hate forums? Or they hate those OTHER forums.

Not me, I like forums. I like 'em!

Yes, you can find the worst of the absolute worst on forums. You can also find the worst of the absolute on Earth. I still like the Earth though.

Do you know what I love?

I love Henn, though sometimes it brings the absolute worst out of me.

--

Anyways, back to forums---I like forums because it has a huge potential for discourse that matters.

I think every blogger (assuming that thinking/writing/discussing are pillars in their blogbaggery) should be active in forums.

If you write something sophisticated and posh for your blog, great---your readers get to see it and maybe you'll have some cross links. That's pretty sweet.

The danger and limitation of course, is that you might just be preachingtothechoir. Hohum, by the book. They're your readers already, and even cross links come from already familiar cozy networks.

You might think that the forums are way beneath you, way too low of a common denominator, not worth your ohsoprecious time.

How can it not be worth your time? When people volunteer to feed people, they go to shelters and clinics. They don't go to the elites of Park Ave. to hand out Turkeys---now THAT would be a waste of time period.

The way I see it, is if you can go to a place where the worst of the absolute worst reign free, and you can still somehow bring out the BEST in people, then you should do it.

It's a hard thing to do, but if you can, then you've got a gift. Remaining in an Ivory Tower is a gift wasted.

It'll bring out the best from you too, because it'll be hard, frustrating and taxing. And you might realize that while you were so focused on looking down at the forums---you were wasting ohsoprecious time not looking up and trying to soar freely.

--

Anyways, I went off on a rant on forums because of 2 things:

1) I found this thread which discusses CriticalTrollTroll's recent post on PVP and gear gap issues.

2) My Rogue hit 80 finally after doing millions of JC dailies.

Since my new LVL80 is pretty much the definition of geargap as I'm preparing her for Season 8, I'm hoping to develop some posts as I go along. I hope you'll join me.

At the very most I'm hoping to bring her to 1800+ via mainly PVP gear.

At the very least I'm hoping that I'll get a few people to stop relying on excuses and selfpity---and start bringing out the best from the absolute worst toon (in terms of gear). cwutididthar?

Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang

2009-12-02T21:37:00.015-07:00

This warrior is my new main alt. I originally rolled this guy to instill fears in the hearts of the scrubs in battle grounds, but things aren't working out like I had planned. How come arms warriors are so scary when other people play, but not so much when I play it?

So, he's fury now. I've been running some raids, but I've lost rolls on every 2h weapon drops to dirty ret pallies who roll on warrior gears.
======================

Did you guys see the blue note on Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang, the new gnome NPC coming in 3.3?

Grand Arbiter Rufino Fizzlebang is a level 80 NPC located at the mezzanine level of the Violet Citadel. As his title suggests, Rufino is an advanced AI arbiturartion mechanism we're implementing to improve the gaming experience of smart, metro-sexual, and sophisticated players. You may report any act of stupidity observed in instance runs or trade chats to Rufino, who will assess the merits of your complaints and punish the reported stupid accordingly.

I logged on to PTR to check out the new NPC and test out the cross-server LFG. I found a group pretty quick and we were off to H UK.

When we were at the first boss, the mage in our group started explaining the fight.

"He's really easy. Just dps and remember that 4x7=27."

"Uhm, no, 4x7=28," I corrected him.

"/sigh... trust me, 4x7=27, k? I've done this hundreds of times. Let's pull."

"No, hold up. You're gonna wipe us. 4x7=28!"

"Dude, it's 27. Can we go?"

"Dude, I just refereced the Elitist Jerk's arithmetics thread and used the product function in Excel to verify that 4x7=28."

"You're an idiot."

"You're the idiot. I'm reporting you to the Grand Arbiter."

"Well, I'm counter-reporting you. You and me. To Rufino. Right Now."

After hearing our cases and engaging in a brief contemplation, Rufino presented his verdict... I was so giddy thinking about how badly this scrub was gonna get owned.

"You may go mage; your charges are cleared," the arbiter spoke. "Jong, I hate to inform you that your account will be suspended for three days on the grounds of your stupidity."

"WTF? Rufino, you got it mixed up. That guy is the idiot."

"No, I'm pretty sure you're the idiot. You're the biggest idiot I've seen all day."

"How so?"

"You're arguing with a guy who insists that 4x7=27."
===================

My guild has strict mandates against getting into altercations in trade chat, pug runs, or forums. Irrespective of who's at fault, getting into pissing match with anyone is grounds for gkick.

Adhering to the policy has given me a piece of mind.

The other day, I ran toc daily on my warrior. The group consisted of four guildies + me. This one guy told me I was a fucking idiot for something I'm absolutely positive wasn't my fault.

"My bad I won't let it happen again." That's all I said, we moved on, and I got my quest item.

The way I see it, if you look at my guild tag and still say shit like that to me on THIS server, you obviously have no clue. There's no reason for me to argue that 4x7=28.

Chess Pains

2009-11-30T08:06:00.003-07:00

Hai gusy!

I hope everyone had vernice Thanksgiving. I flew home to Virginia to see my famiglia.

Speaking of famiglia, I remember this all-Italian wedding I went to. The groom's brother yelled my name out from the other side of the reception hall:

"Hey Jong! Come here boy. Joo want me to kiss you or shake yo hand? I can do bof."

The whole time I was home, I was either hungry or sleepy. My cousin thinks tryptophan in turkey meat makes him sleepy... no dumbass, you're sleepy because you ate four plates of turkey. You eat four plates of anything, you feel sleepy, kk?

I was touched by Megan's thanksgiving post, so I went up to my dad, forced myself onto his lap and asked him, DADDY, WHO DO YOU LOVE THE SECOND MOSTEST?

My favorite episode of Frasier is Chess Pains. Frasier could never beat his dad (Martin) in chess. Why can't I, an established doctor, beat an old man in the game of wits and strategy? Frasier cannot stand Martin's smack talk and becomes obsessed with the game to prove himself.

When Frasier finally wins, he jumps from the seat with excitement--Yes! I did it!

"Good match son." As Martin slowly walks off with the aid of his cane, Frasier is hit with unexplainable pain and sorrow.

My dad is 65-years-old and I still cannot beat him in arm wrestling. I hope that day never comes.

The Best Play

2009-11-28T15:55:00.003-07:00

"I'ma let you finish."

--

Sorry guys, this is going to be another throwaway post, my brain is fried.

Why?

I spent a lot of time with my Goddaughter---which means I got to learn about Drake and Josh's 2v2 Arena Rating, watch how Princess Tiana did the Argent Tournament daily totally wrong when she kissed a frog without the lipbalm item, and listen to the Silky sounds and spellthreads of Tailor Swift.

The last one actually, I don't mind---I'm ashamed yes, but I don't mind. SHE WEARS T10 SKIRTS, I WEAR RELENTLESS NITRO BOOSTS, SHE'S HEAL CAPTAIN AND IM CAPPIN FROSTWOLF.

..

Jong, come back quick..

--

The Best Play

//I'm Level 5, it's gettin cold, I've got
//my Gray Cloak on
//I hear your "lol" and look up smiling at you
//I Autorun
//past the Pumpkin Patch and the Fargo Deepened Mine
//I've got no Gold
//I hug your legs and fall asleep
//on the Griff home

//I don't know why all the Greens change into Bl~ues
//I know you're not scared, and I am just a Noo~b
//don't know if Hogger's Quest is near or far away
//but I know I had the best play with you
//today

//I'm 80 now and don't know how this PUG
//could be so mean
//I Hearth home crying and you hold me tight
//and grab your Steed
//and we Mount and Ride until we found a Zone
//far enough away
//and we talk and Fish some Trout 'til I forgot
//all my shame

//I don't know who I'm gonna Raid with in I-C-C~
//but I know I'm laughing, on the Mount Run through Z-G~
//don't know how long it's gonna take to Gear ok
//but I know I had the best play with you
//today

//I have an excellent Healer
//his Heals are making me stronger
//Threat smiles on my little Tanker
//Bosses and Adds he's better than I am
//I grew up in a pretty Server and I had space to run
//and I, had -
//the best play with you

//there is a video I found from back when
//Level 30
//you setup a Group Quest and we took a run
//to S. Monastery
//it's the age of Arcane Doan and Herod's Axe
//and Fear Ward for Dwarves
//Mograine says that Whitemane's the prettiest lady in
//the whole wide world

//now I know why all the Blues change to Ep~ics
//I know you were on my side, even when I G Q~uit
//and I love you for listen' to my cries
//stand back and watch me rise and
//I didn't know if you knew
//so I'm taking this chance to say
//that I had the best play with you
//today

Thanksgiving List

2009-11-24T08:10:00.005-07:00

"Make yourself useful."

--

This will be my last post until Thanksgiving is over and done with. It's a long one because it has to.. well, last duh.

I told this to Jong, but took a nice long, dramatic pause after "last post"---I never seen a man cry so much, pitiful really.

Afterward it was kinda awkward, he said it was just some Infinite Dust that got in his eye or maybe his Shoveltusk allergies flaring up again.

--

I finished up the Pilgrim holiday nonsense. I don't know why I did it, I mean I had already capped out Cooking Hardmode a few months ago.

Hardmode Cooking, if you're not familiar, is just like regular Cooking except there are stricter timers (esp. on medium-rare), limited attempts (like 1, cause you shouldn't waste food), bigger splash damage (esp. with large flasks of oil), and greater rewards (feeding Bridezilla + her drunken family/friends = paycheck, not stinkin' badges).

The Troll Rogue thing was ez pz, I just bugged a Shaman guildie. See, they are useful for more things than Heroism/Bloodlust:

The Turkinator one was not pretty. I think I ninja'd some turkeys (if such a thing is possible) and ruined the lives of people who were on a 39 streak. All in the name of Thanksgiving. I felt bad afterward, but then I realized it was just probably my Shoveltusk allergies.

Braids has a great time with Turkinator. She didn't get the achievement, but still had a great time.

It started out as a great plan to kill 40 turkeys around Goldshire really quickly and sell the meat to lowbies with no mounts but who needed to level Cooking---but she got easily distracted and started killing 40 of anything that moved.

I gave up on her when she eventually ended up in the Deadmines, murdering a good portion of the Pirate population.

--

When I was little, I asked my parents lots of stupid questions.

One day I walked into the kitchen and started my usual act to beg for my mother's attention. She interrupted me (had me on focustarget macro) and said go annoy my father because she was too busy making 200+ handmade dumplings on Hardmode to oneup and showup that bitch of a sisterinlaw. In the name of Thanksgiving.

So I found my Dad, he was sitting and reading a newspaper. Time to go ask him!

I forced myself onto his lap, blocking his view of his paper---see, LOS doesn't just work in arenas.

I asked, "Daddy, who do you love THE MOST?"

He said, "I love God the most, you know that."

Ok fine Dad, textbook answer. But not the one I wanted.

"Who do the LOVE THE SECOND MOST?" (second most totally makes sense when you're young btw)

He said, "I love your Mother the second most, she is my wife and partner in life."

Again, not what I wanted to hear.

"Who do YOU LOVE THE THIRD MOST?" (notice how more and more CAPSLOK appears as my frustration grows)

He said, "I love my Mom and Dad the third most, they taught me how to live and made me what I am today."

WTFFFFFFF. I was totally expecting to be #2, but not even #3 now! This was a slap in da fase.

He continued, "And now before you ask for THE FOURTH MOST, keep in mind I'm really, really keen on the outdoor grill your Mom bought me last Christmas.."

Gee thanks Dad, you wiseass.

--

One of the things about WoW is how much you can forget that you're not the most loved. You're not the center of the universe, as a child thinks he/she is (by default). Everything does not revolve around your sole existence. Even if that's the answer you didn't want to hear.

You forget this easily because WoW is a MMO, you create a character---the character is positioned on the center of your screen and all your interaction with the game and other people comes from this avatar representation of you. Your toon, your loot, your achievements, youyouyou.

Your eyes and brain are glued to the character on the screen. You love your toon, your toon is getting stronger, geared, capped. And then all of a sudden you find yourself in the same boat with 9-24 other people who forgot exactly what you forgot---that your toon and existence in this game isn't #1, isn't the most loved, isn't the most important.

This is where drama, strife, stress, ego and all things teethgnashing stem from. Stupid, child stuff.

When I asked my Dad that stupid question, I was looking for a specific answer, ME.

He didn't give me that answer---instead he showed me that the question was stupid in the first place by poking fun at me.

He rattled off a list of the various people and things he loved. It was a lesson, a hint---my question should have been "Daddy, do you know who I love?" and it should also have been a list, a list not about me.

--

Happy Thanksgiving---it's a good time to realize that having a list (and showing it) is always better than expecting to be at the top of a list.

The Tzar of Cosply and Loots

2009-11-23T03:57:00.008-07:00

===================

I think I did ok at the TNB interview... except I drank too much Jack Daniels and started spilling my guts out-- I LOVE YOU GUSY, MAAAAAN.

There have been talks of Ice Crown. I'd love to whine about this new gate concept, but I can't, because I have no idea what's going on.

Generally speaking, I'm happy with where the game mechanics are/have been.

I'm really easily amused. If Jaraxxus pulled out a laser pointer and wiggled it around the coliseum, I'd chase that thing in circles for hours with a huge-ass smile...amg amg laser laser laser!

All I know is that there's a legendary axe in the patch, and if I don't get it first, I'm gonna throw a hissy fit.

Survey: Assuming these bloggers played a character that could wield a 2h axe, who do you think is most likely to voluntarily pass the axe to a guildie?

A) BBB
B) BRK
C) Gevlon
D) Jong

If you said D, I'd be really hurt, because that means you don't know me at all, which means you don't even care. I already started preparing a 15-page Power Point presentation on Why Jong Deserves the Axe. If I don't get the axe, I'm gonna throw down ONE MONSTER #iblamesyrana.

BRK wouldn't pass it. If he were still playing his hunter, I bet he'd write a post entitled How to Gem the New Legendary Hunter Axe. Put three +20 agility gems in it and you're good to go, kk? Strength scales well with pet DPS too, yah yah.

I almost wanna say it's BBB, because he seems like a genuinely selfless player who looks out for his peepz. Any rebuttals from Sidhe Devil raiders?

I'm gonna go with Gevlon. Here's why:

There are lots of people who hold double standards with respect to upgrades. They are willing to cause all kinds of drama and throw their teammates under the bus for a piece of loot. At the same time, they'll dismiss the shoulder enchants, proper gems, and flasks as negligible.

Gevlon is in the good-enough-is-good-enough school of thought, but he applies that standard to every type of upgrades. He scoffs at the most expensive enchants just as he is lukewarm toward a legendary axe. He doesn't place any emotional value on loots. If it makes "mathmatical" sense for someone else to get the axe, he'd have no problem passing it.

Manifesto

2009-11-20T09:28:00.010-07:00

"Just writing it down is never enough, but it sure is a start."

--

You know, I wasn't going to bring this up---but now that Jong brought up how he had to re-familiarize himself with what the big white, porcelain telephone is called, it'd be a waste not too.

I've been moved in with him for over a month with this guestposting arrangement, so obviously there's some weird territory issues going on. At the start, it was the standard cliche stuff.

No more drinking milk straight from the carton. No more leaving a trail of socks and underwear from the entry door to the couch to signal you've had a rough day at work. No more leaving a collection of empty whiskey bottles along the window sill and calling it decor.

And those were just some of the ground rules he pulled on ME. Whatever.

Fine, I'm a big girl. Let's move on to the bathroom. The bathroom in any guy-girl cohabitation is like a Battleground, more specifically Isle of Conquest. There's tons of stuff going on like siege vehicles, bombs, parachuters from airships---and you're not quite sure what or where you want to fight for first.

"Megs, I know the toilet seat is a very sensitive issue when it comes to you girls."
"I'm so proud of you---did you read that on MMO Chumpion?"

The position of the toilet seat, whether up or down can make or break you. I quickly pulled out my old macro for Thaddius, modified and printed it out---I taped it to the top of tank where it was clearly visible.

So far he's been compliant. Lately though, I've been sensing some real passive aggressive hostility about the whole seat thing.

He hasn't missed the up-down thing ONCE---but he has replaced the old lid cover with something he pulled from his Prot offset, the one that looks like this:

And it's ALWAYS DOWN when I go in there. I'm fucking disturbed on so many levels.

--

WoW Manifesto

My name is Rafa.

And my Rank is Marshal.

I'm all Pally, I'm all Class.

Built not to Grind Honor, but with Honor.

Not to Talk Crap, but to Recap.

My Rank is Marshal.

I carry a full payload.

The loyalty of my Teammates, the love of my Competition.

I carry Reputations, I carry No Excuses.

And I deliver the goods with or without Forbearance.

My name is Rafa.

And my Rank is Marshal.

--

If you have a blog of your own and want to flex your creative muscle, feel free to turn this RAM MANIFESTO into one of those accursed WoW MEMES via:

My name is X.

And my Y iz Z.

Have fun---I'm off to try and remove this Titanium Shield Spike that Jong put on the new toilet lid cover. He thinks he's so clever.

The State of 3.2 DPS and uhm, this Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood

2009-11-19T16:48:00.007-07:00

The other day, Megan’s brain didn’t show up so she did a throw-away post.

My brain showed up, but the right brain started yelling at its flaky cranial twin for socketing the wrong gem into the ring. The left brain stopped coloring the unicorn on his diary and conjured up expressive protests about killing the innocent dalaran squirrel.

The two sides aren’t working together. I walked into the bathroom and picked up an object called shampoo. I know for a fact that its name is shampoo, but I have no idea what its uses are. Do I put it on English muffin like I do with grape jelly? I stood in front of a porcelain structure affixed to the floor. I know I’m suppose to pee into it, but I cannot remember what it’s called.
=============

It was Desmond Howard’s first punt return in NFL. He received the ball and started running laterally with the intent to out-corner everyone with his speed… uhm… what are you doing Desmond? Do you think this is Nebraska Cornhuskers with bunch of fat uncoordinated kids? This is NFL.

There’s been an influx of applications to the guild.

Under the question, “What is your primary role and value-adding proposition in end-game raid contents?” a feral dps applicant responded,

“I can outdpsed rogues. I have never been outdpsed by anyone in pug heroics.”

If I wanted to comment on that response with a positive spin, I’d say I like the candidate’s confidence and competitiveness.

If I were to formulate a comment just as unconstructive as the applicant’s answer, I’d say I have never been outdpsed by frozen tundra penguins either. Welcome to NFL.
======================

Since joining my new guild, I’ve been outdpsed by every class. I’ve also outdpsed every class.

The fact that I have uncanny instincts for systematic face rolling and run 40 in 4.2 no longer guarantees me a consistent top spot on recount. Everyone can do that around here.

One’s placement on damage meter boils down to the mechanics of the fight and to a lesser extent, RNG.

If Icehowl cuntpunts you to the other side of the room or your cat decides to trot across the keyboard at a particularly inopportune moment, you’ll fall behind.

If you happen to catch a red hot critical streak while your buddies are riding the waves of glancing blows, you’ll come ahead.

When the 3rd moon of Venus is aligned with Pluto, the planet of personal transformation, and the libido in the air is just ripe, nobody is going to touch Arcane Mages on Jaraxxus or the Twins. Nobody. Fights with consistent, controlled raid damage are arcane mages’ territory, so if they smoke you, there’s no shame in your game.

...Jaraxxus is so dumb. Doesn’t he know that mages will spell steal Nether Power and beat his head with it? He’s like those silly ret pallies who pop wings on mages…

Similarly, when the stars are aligned, nobody can touch unholy dks on Anub, FC, Freya, or Algalon. Fights with bunch of secondary targets hovering around the primary target are dk’s house. So, if Hatch happen to skool me on those fights, I wouldn’t be embarrassed.

3.2 is the era of arcane mages and unholy dks.

You know who need some buff love? Shadow Priests and maybe Boomkins.

Seriously blizz, the ONLY fight where a spriest has any hope of outdpsing me is Flame Leviathan, where he’s sitting on a demolisher spamming the crap out pyrites while I’m hunkered next to a parked chopper completely immersed in bon jovi‘s greatest hits.

/swig
/s oh, what I’d give to run my fingers through your hair.

Most Wanted

2009-11-17T09:25:00.003-07:00

"A witch yes, a snitch no."

--

Work is picking up like it was 3.3's LFG system. UGH.

Quickie, throwaway post today. It took me 5min.

Now I'm going to Bladestorm a bagel with tons of creamcheese and Beserking proc'd.

--

What if Blizz decided to crack down and arrest WoW bloggers?

Would you rat people out to save yourself? Would you go underground and stickittotheman?

Who'd be the top10 most wanted?

I'm not expecting answers btw---I'm just trying to setup this link love but my fuckingbrain decided to not show up today, sigh.

Blizz Blog Police

Jong:
//go, go, go, go, go, go
//keep typin' missy
//go, go, go, go, go, go
//they on the feed
//go, go, go, go, go, go
//keep typin' missy
//go, go, go, go, go, go
//they on the feed

//with so much drama in the M-M-O
//Blizz Blog Police are listening
//becareful or you'll be history
//looks like another Banned Account I-P
//it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//ah it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//yah it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//somebody tell 'em it's blogging
//blogging was the case and they blamed me

Braids + Blizzard:
//Ghostcrawler I didn't do it, you can't blame me for Crits
//could please loosen up the Nerf cuffs on my wrists?
//you can call me what you wanna man, but I ain't a snitch
//no cooperation is exactly what you would get
//'til I talk to my G-M, what I get no say?
//you've obviously been reading too much B-R-K
//I'm not a Test Dummy so don't even try
//to spam ya number trash to me, yo' Recount lies
//if you not O-P of anything, then why did you run?
//cause you the Dev Team and plus I saw you D-R your stun
//and Test Realm wasn't empty there was obviously Bugs
//if you think I'm believing that one then you obviously dumb
//huh? - I know that you heard the whining, you dived in
//to the Flying Mount you was driving and riding in
//instead you shouldn't be whining about dying
//Battlegrounds nah it's obvious that you lyin'

Jong:
//with so much drama in the M-M-O
//Blizz Blog Police are listening
//becareful or you'll be history
//looks like another Banned Account I-P
//it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//ah it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//yah it's blogging, blogging, blogging
//somebody tell 'em it's blogging
//blogging was the case and they blamed me

Braids + Blizzard:
//stop lying to me Lock, it'd be best you confess
//I can smell the Healthstone on the scent of your breath
//saw the Destro I was inspecting your Spec
//saw that you was bloggin' dirty when I looked R-S-S
//who is this guy IXO, who is this guy Squid?
//who is this other Troll who Critically Q-Q's?
//look at this screenshot, they standing beside you
//tell me they game now, I heard they flame Blue
//confiscated the blog feed of one of your posts
//for evidence ever since we heard some of your songs
//what about this Jong guy, he was on one of your songs
//I coulda sworn he said he had a Socket full Dreadstone
//am I wrong? - hell yah I don't know who that is
//I don't know no Rets see, all I know is I Crit
//and Ima log like Lincoln, bet I A-F-K quick
//you ain't gettin' out of here you must think you have wits
//in the blog we confiscated Four Healz and Blessed Kings
//Clearly that you Cast and all the Troops Grimm
//on the Big Bear booklet we found ya too Spinks
//ya thumb and ya index, how dare you spread Links

Ridiculous Control

2009-11-12T07:53:00.008-07:00

"Good Lord, they're working together!---we're fucked."

--

Wow you guys.

I didn't expect such enthusiasm, 'cause the second after I hit "publish" on that one, I felt guilty.

I mean hey, strip off all that rhetoric and flair and what you have is:

HAI GUYZ, POSTCOUNT++, PLZ UP IT

And what kind of blogwhores would you have to be to resort to something like that??

MSPAINTPIC++

--

One thing I keep seeing over and over re: Pallies, specifically Prot/Holy and Prot/Ret related issues is that "Prot" is ridiculous and shouldn't exist. They'd argue that the Prot tree wasn't designed and intended that way.

First of all, design and intent are way over most of our heads.

If you were to give a random, average player of WoW the power of design/intent control, I'd fear for my life. I see this IRL all the time---people think they know what they want but they don't, or even worse, want something for the wrong reasons (eg to spite someone else) and end up being worse off.

Secondly, Prot/X specs are pretty damn fun. The talents click together and add up nicely---is it really wrong for a Pally to have a spec that you know, works nice and neat?

There's a reason why people can go off on 10+ page flamefests about WTF 1/3 Talent X is CLEARLY OPTIMAL OVER 5/5 Talent Y. They're arguing over a single talent placement, but the bottomline is clear---making sure every talent point spent has a purpose and role in the overall build so that it works.

Prot/Holy gains offensive utility (still based on 30sec+ cooldowns, not spammable) that the other healer classes have had (in their case, spammable) for 5+ Arena Seasons and 1 full XPAC.

Prot/Ret gains some survivability in a WOTLK world of damage, which every class struggles with because the DPS required for PVE encounters has scaled terribly with player HP pools.

If going 50+ into Prot tree to either heal or DPS in PVP and having it work wasn't the intent, the real problem is that the Holy and Ret trees are lackluster. Especially Holy. Holy is friggin' terrible---beyond 31 points into the tree, there's nothing else needed to make "healing" work for the generic Pally. Now that's ridiculous.

--

Paladin issues as represented by Controllers:

Traffic Lights

2009-11-11T04:53:00.010-07:00

When you were a kid, did you run around the house with a cape, pretending it's Varian's Furor? Instead of a cape, I ran around with an arm sleeve made of 100% wool even in 95 degree August summer heat. Lincoln Hawk was my hero====================

Do you like traffic lights?

I was in Strand of the Ancients near one of the docks. I got into a 1-on-1 show-down against a Resto Druid.

The tree had been kiting me up and down the coastal line for what seemed like 20 minutes. At first, he was nervously spamming big heals on himself. After he realized I couldn't do anything to him, he started casually smelling the breeze and picking up sea shells. He picked up the branch I broke off his arm and wrote KEVIN LUVS SALLY on the sand... and watched the waves wash it away. I think he was using me like a training dummy that attacks so he could test his HPS.

At that point, I don't care about the BG anymore. If everyone busted through the chamber and pissed all over the sacred relic, I wouldn't care. I wanted the druid.

Just when I was about to plop down and cry, this beautiful creature... a night elf rogue... jumped out of the shadows like a ninja and stunlocked the shit out of the tree. Go ninja. It's your birthday. Go ninja. It's your birthday. I HOUSED the tree in no time with the rogue's help.

"Le's go," said the heroic rogue just before disappearing into the night.

I hate traffic lights when they're red, but I love them when they're green.

I hate rogues when they're on the other team, but I love them when they're on my team.
=============================

Everyone who participated in the Circle of Healings survey, look what Spinksville had to say about your tedious, facepalm-inducing jeeberish:

Also, I’ve seen a lot of rather tedious tank and healer questionnaires going around? Who the hell cares what your favourite spell is? *facepalm* It’s the whole package you should be looking at and how they fit together.

I had to read that several times, because I wasn't sure whether Spinks is really that condescending or just doing a hilarious impression of Gevlon doing an impression of Dakota Fanning.

Don't listen to Spinks guys. You know who cares about your favorite spell? I care. Yes I do.

In fact, let me tell you about my favorite spell, Avenging Wrath (wings).

I'm sure many hunters can relate to the sweet nostalgia of the glorious TBC days when 41/20/0 Beast Masters used to rule the world with 3:2 steady shot macro and Bestial Wrath.

I think popping BW and watching the Big Red Kitty flip out is one of the most exhilirating and empowering experience in all of wow.
I like Avenging Wrath, because it grants me as almost as much authority as Bestial Wrath. AW is not as cool as BW though:

1) AW comes with less horse power.

2) AW doesn't grant me immunity to fears, stuns, snares, and getting man-handled pwnt in really embarrasing ways.
I wish I screen shotted that fuckin mage who spell stole my wings, but I couldn't because I was too busy running and typing /bg halp stable halp.

EDIT: I see a lot of bloggers coming down with sickness. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones.

Gnomer and out! Squidly and stout!

Number Following

2009-11-09T08:59:00.004-07:00

"How strong am I---I'm too strong."

--

Hey guess what? It's been a month! Wow, time flies.

Let's see.. I said I'd guestpost around 2 posts a week.. and I've done 8 so far. Go me!

Whenever I login to post something I see this:

Jong's follower base should definitely go up. It's at 45.

My dead blog still has 60+.

The two numbers, while in the bigpictureofthings aren't important, should definitely wifeswap. Please help us rectify this if you've got a bloggeraccount and haven't followed yet.

If anything, you'll be helping Jong personally. He doesn't like to admit it often, but numbers do it for him---I hear he screenshots and prints out past recount meters from raids where he's been #1, and tapes it to the toes of his shoes.

When someone puts him down and forces him to hang his head down in shame, he then gets a quick glimpse of the POWERWITHIN, right there on his shoe. His chin shoots straight up, his shoulders broaden, and he grips his finance portfolio like it was a 2hander---"negative, it's time to put you down".

--

One of the reasons I agreed to guestpost around here is I like it. I just like it.

The vibe, the mood, what the blog stands for (goes beyond the impeccable hairstyling techniques and love of jwalkerblack).

I find very few blogs that take this approach---most are very solid reads, but the washing instruction tags on my clothes are solid reads too. There always seems to be an emphasis on:

How to beat X encounter.
How to gem Y.
How to do Z rotation.

Washing instruction tags.

Before I joined this blog, I read it religiously and even tried to ninja the writer for my own blog. Why?---because the emphasis was on something more important.

How to beat X -> becomes how to beat X with all your heart.
How to gem Y -> becomes how to gem Y with 20+ TOOSTRONG instead of 20+ Strength.
How to do Z rotation -> becomes how to do Z rotation and make people believe in miracles.

The former is fine, solid. They are instructions to follow, follow them and you'll do ok.

The latter, the latter is something else---it's an invitation to follow. When the emphasis is not bogged down with little +1/-1 numbers and more on your heart, you'll do much more than ok. I personally invite you to follow and see the difference.

You'll skyrocket to a place where you can't be put down by anyone, a zen place of peace, knowing that you did everything in your power and more to not let your team down. And you didn't do that out of guilt or just to follow instructions---you did it because your heart wouldn't have it any other way.

And you're going to invite more people to follow.

--

In case my preachiness backfires and Jong's followers actually goes DOWN in numbers and I'm fired in a month, it was nice knowing all of you.

[Your Spec/Class] is Faceroll

2009-11-04T23:46:00.018-07:00

I was hanging out in dal bank minding my own business and looking at the floor tile patterns.

This warlock named KanyePest runs up to me and whispers, "lolret is so easy to play. it's sooooo easy. lol"

/crickets chirping

... so, then we're staring at each other in awkward silence, because I have no idea how to respond to his remarks. He doesn't know what else to say either.

I was speechless, not because I was offended in any way, but because I really didn't know what I was supposed to say. If I just knew where he was going with this, we could have held a perfectly normal, healthy conversation.

Maybe he wanted to play Let's Blurt Out Random Obivious Statements and he envisioned a conversation like this:

"Lolret is easy!"

"Uhm...bacon is delicious!"

"Megan Fox is hot!"

"Errrrm...puppies are cute!"

"Uh... uh... damn, you win."

"Yay!"

"Grats."

"Thanks."

In which case, I feel really bad, because I totally messed up.

Maybe he was trying to illicit a nerdrage-imbued statement of defense so he can laugh at me:

/lip quivers

"No! You are a liar! Retribution Paladin is delightfully complex and intricately stimulating class! You don't even understand!"

In that case, he just picked a wrong ret pally. He should have spoke to the guy named Frog on this forum. Because, I didn't feel inferior or insecure or anything.

For the sake of discussion, let's assume that playing ret is like riding a bicycle and playing warlock is like piloting Boeing 757 with flashing dashboards all over the place.

If a random pilot walked up to Kevin Robinson, the BMX Mega Ramp World Record Holder, and said, "Riding bicycle is soooo easy. My 6-yr-old niece can ride it too. lol", do you think Kevin Robinson would be offended? Like, even a little bit?

Anyone can ride a bicycle, but only Kevin Robinson can do stuff with a bicycle that you thought humans weren't allowed to do on a bicycle.

Anyone can faceroll a ret pally to 4k dps; only the SupaFlyRetPally can pull 540 Double Flairs and make children believe in magic.

When somone walks up to you to specifically diss the ease of [Your Class/Spec] mechanics, what is the proper response?

A) Yes... and?

B) Yes. You know what else is easy? Using chopsticks. Even white people can eat california rolls with chopsticks... but, only the Shaolin Grand Master Chopstick Specialsts can catch mosquitoes in mid-flight with chopsticks. Think about it.

C) Yes, I already know. Why do you hurt me?

D) Bacon is delicious!

E) No! You are a liar! [My Class/Spec] is delightfully complex and intricately stimulating! You don't even understand!"
.....

I didn't say anything mean to him, because I figured the guy's Emotional Quotient is so low that the concept of Conversation Rituals eludes him. He's like that poor baby monkey who was raised by humans, so he has no clue how to interact with other monkeys.

You can't just walk up to another monkey and start grooming hair. The Alpha Monkey will disapprove of such display of lack of social graces and fuck you up. You gotta follow the rituals, man: "Hey buddy, how are you? Mind if I pick on your back hair a little bit?"

Hands-on Approach

2009-11-04T09:11:00.005-07:00

"Put 'em up where I can see 'em, at ALL times, thanks."

--

So my 5's comp has pretty much hit the same wall as the previous season, floating between 1700-1800. We're just too weak against ranged/Wizard Cleave setups and it's really popular this season.

If you're not familiar with those terms, allow me to explain---you know the random morons on the forums complaining about Destro Lock burst in BG's (the ones with 17k HP and think that LOS is a pronoun in Spanish)? They think that's burst damage. Ahaha, to be young and naive.

Throw in an Ele Shammy, maybe a Mage, and give 'em 10sec of Aura Mastery with a Priest spamming dispel to strip defensive buffs. Now that's burst to cry about.

Anyways, that wall sucks---because then I start yelling at my team for no reason, even when we win.

"Did you tie your shoelaces using the rabbit ears method?"
"No?"
"FUCKFUCK FUCKITYFUCKFUCK!"
"Uhh.."
"Ok, here comes the queue---do your best guys! ^^ <3 xoxo"

My Ret teammate is trying out Prot/Ret and my Hunter teammate is going to try something new as well:

Nevermind.

--

Speaking of feeling hands, did you know that Blizzard has no fuckingclue what they want to do with Lay on Hands?

Pretty soon, everything you do as a Pally will cause Forbearance. You log in, Forbearance. You eat a Mage strudel, Forbearance. You eat a Mage, Forbearance.

You read this blog, Forbearance (sorry.. I had to).

I brought this issue up to Jong to get the Ret perspective:

"Jong, this LOH change is a slap in teh vagina!"
"Wha?"
"I just wanted to see if you'd say 'YAH I KNO!' which would imply you had one."
"RULE #3, RULE #3!!"
"^^ <3 xoxo"

I'm at Camp Narache

2009-11-03T01:22:00.009-07:00

I'm going to participate in Big Bear's Raid for the Cure on 14th. I made a lvl 1 belf pally and parked it next to Grull Hakwind just like bear told me to. I've never been in such a ultra uber nerdy event like this, but it's for a good cause.

I had to be Jöng because some sap took my name. Someone bring your main so we can go pwn the hiena that killed me three times near Cross Roads.
DISCLAIMER: Whatever I'll be wearing on top of the standard belf-issued green leotard-looking armor solely represents my support for the cause and utmost confidence in my manhood.
=========================

I think whoever wrote that guild message of the day should consider exploring career opportunities in stand-up comedy.

I am Jong the Astral Walker. You know what that means, right? That means I walk on stars... and ... stuff.

Grateful Dead

2009-11-01T11:12:00.004-07:00

"Now look here, you yourself said it's All Souls', and that is just what I expect to receive."

--

If you don't browse the AJ Forums or haven't read this thread yet, go do it now---you won't regret it.

As for my Pally Rafa, she's a simple reliable Honda Accord---gas is good, has no problem parking anywhere and sometimes when I'm feeling like a renegade, I prop up a stuffed Mashimaro plushie in the back window to guard my hanging drycleaning.

Braids, well, of course she'd be a sleek black Caddy Hearse, fully equipped.

The sideplates would have "INSERT YOUR NAME HERE" and it'd have one of those BABYONBOARD warning signs just to be, you know, tasteful.

Wouldn't it be fun to drive a hearse to work or the supermarket? I'd pick up my Goddaughter from school. I'd have a blast, frontin' with my windows rolled down and blasting Hot Issue from my 4Minute girls.

--

You know why I hate yuppies?

It's because most wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the Day of the Dead. If it wasn't created by Apple as an app, mixed by FourBucks coffee, or marketed by PotteryBarn, they won't get it---to them it doesn't matter much.

Remembering and celebrating the Dead means you pay attention to history, know about your family lineage and have a knowledge and respect of the past.

Not that bitter Nostalgia type of respect where you refuse to change and move forward. The type where you keep where you came from close---always present in shaping and guiding you to where you're headed.

A lot of people don't have that and it makes me sad. For WoW, a lot of people playing classes lack that awe and appreciation of what and who came before them---which means when something pops up on a patchnote that upsets them, they are unequipped to handle it and react in all types of absurd manners on forums/blogs/etc..

They have no deep history, they don't know where they came from---they shout and grind their teeth about mindless, shallow trends that will change and swap as whims tend to do, never realizing that there is something deeper and more eternally satisfying to be grounded in.

I'll sum it up with this:

At 0:30 you can see the yuppie run away. At 1:28 you can see the yuppie offer material things that do not matter.

Do not concern yourself with things that do not matter.

happy friday

2009-10-30T01:21:00.010-06:00

Hai gusy!

It's Friday, which means it's time to link achievements and loots that no one cares about!
We did it with zero death. I think there should be a title for zero death. Something like OMG It's. That way, I can be OMG It's Jong.

I got me this sexy time. It has way too much hit rating though. I LOVE hit rating, but this one has too much. It's like having too much bacon.
====================

I was defending the gold mine by myself. I tried to distract the enemies with the stormwind banner, but it didn't work.

I think Stormwind is my favorite city. I like it because the bank looks like a bank and the church looks like a church. Thunderbluff is stupid, because everything is a tent with three cows standing in it.
==============================================
When I went alliance, I chose human. Human racials are just so good. thpirit! woooo! Plus, I wanted to look like Uther.
Then I decided humans are boring, so I went dwarf.

Tell me that's not the sexiest ret pally you ever seen.

I miss being a belf. One thing I'm really glad about not being a belf is that I don't ever have to be associated with this guy again.

His name is fucking Fabioso the Fabulous. When I first saw this guy, I was running over to turn in the cooking daily, and I came to a complete stop. I had to stop, because I needed my whole body to hate him.

Did toc raid bug out for anyone else yesterday?

2009-10-28T07:05:00.010-06:00

I wish there was a place I can fish near the tournament grounds so I'd have something to do while I wait for raid formation.

I flew down to Sindragosa's Fall and busted open one of them frozen lakes.

A group of nearby Wyrm Reanimators protested:

"Execuse me sir, you can't just..."

"Hey, why don't you look over there before I bust your head open?"

I had been fishing for about 15 minutes when two agents from The Icecrown Wildlife Conservation Commission arrived. I was cited for Fishing without License, Possession of Undersized Dragonfins, and Encroaching on Frostbrood Spawn Habitat.

EDIT:
I remember the story of boars my grandma told me long time ago. Boars have extreme tunnel vision. Once they zone in on the kill target, they're going after it. If a hungry boar smells out a mole under ground, he'll start digging until either he finds the mole or passes out of exhaustion. A plump, succulent deer could walk right by this determined boar; the boar will ignore the deer and keep digging for the original kill target.

Lesson learned: Don't be breaking the ice for undersized bass and getting citations from the local authorities. There's a ocean full of deer right over the cliff.
=======================

I wish they had a place to repair stuff. How am I supposed to repair if there were no engineers in my raid?

EDIT: "There's a goblin outside by a mini forge who will repair you so long as the floor still exists in ToC."

Why didn't somebody tell me about this goblin?

EDIT:

The value of engineering.

Hoff is an engineer and so if Rafa. They both pwn faces, so I can't talk smack about engineering. "Best" and "worst" are qualitative terms, so I won't use them to describe engineering.

What I can tell you with certainty is that for raiding ret pallies, engineering perks render the lowest DPS output among all crafting profession perks. Don't argue with me here. Just go with me.
========================

After we rolled the Northrend Beasts, I was getting really fired up.

"Comon' down Jaraxxus. You are the next contestant on I will Scuff You Up."

My nipples were tingling with insatiable fury and my inner pitbulls were flippin out rawr rawr rawr.... then we get this.

"AW COME ON! Dude, I just saw him outside continuing his endeavor to become a household word used to scare children into bed!"

"Calm down sir. Put your shirt back on. I don't know what to tell you, okay? Just put in a GM ticket."

The raid disbanded and everyone hearthed out.

Once again, I was left alone in the room with a major hard-on. It's not a feeling I'm not entirely unfaimiliar with, but still.

Break the Ice

2009-10-26T08:36:00.007-06:00

"Unless it's jewelery, I don't want it."

--

I hate Hunter frosttraps.

Not because they can make you a sitting duck in a specific chokepoint in PVP, but because they don't let me drink as much Jack as I want to during Anub10 attempts. Anub10 makes me add ice to my glass, watering it down so I don't getouttacontrol.

Last night we were working on that terrible A Tribute to Repairbills achievement. 40 attempts left, lookin' good! OHNOES RAFA, spikes are chasing you!

No worries, I'll just kite around this patch of ice to eat up some time, and then at the la---what do you mean it's just a Hunter trap? 39 attempts.

So Blizz, please make Anub's icepatches look like giant SUV's from now on to avoid this confusion (and support my drinkinghabit), like so:

I had a flashback to Sapph25 in Naxx, where a a random totem ate up one of the three iceblocks that are supposed to form during airphase. A Mage in the middle of nowhere decided to Ice Block. I was also in the middle of nowhere and thought I was safe behind the Mage.

I should have relied on my training and instinct, no one is safe behind a Mage.

--

I've been trying to find ways to restore Jong to his former Blood Elf glory.

I suggested that he hosts a LVL1 Blood Elf Halloween bash sometime this coming weekend for his readers/fellow bloggers.

Everyone logs in with mysterious masked names like Hairioch and Belfwether and plays guessing games---once he sees everyone lookin' so F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S, he'll have a breakdown.

It'd be one of those ingame cutscene breakdowns, like you know where Arthas stabs the icyground with Frostedtipsmourne and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAR.

Jong breaks out all glowyandshampooed into the air with his signature Pally Wings and Magichands---miraculously impregnating every single female character that happens to be nearby doing Argent Tourney dailies (unless their bags were full).

If that's a nogo, I'll have to resort to good ol' science and technology.

Braids and Rafa have been excellent guineapigs so far, but the experiments have only gone so far.

I can get Night Elf results, but not Blood Elf quite yet---it probably just requires less ice added. I'll figure it out and keep you guys updated.

What They Can't Take Away

2009-10-23T08:54:00.004-06:00

"I'll look this way, you look the other way---that way we can see everything else but ourselves."

--

Hey guys, look at this.

Now that you've adjusted your monitor color like I have, that's called the Triple Threat from Newb Balance---they call it that because there are only 2 ways to fuck up a shoe design and they've managed to find 3.

It looks like what happens when an old pair of tiedye Converse gets really wasted and throws up on a pair of Keds.

Remember Keds? The sneaker you could just pop in the washer! Great idea guys, I've been walking on grass and dirt all day---lemme throw that shit in with my laceandsatin delicates, it'll be awesome. Look, if you wanted footprints on your ass, you coulda just came to me.

--

Triple Threat is a commonly used term to describe when someone fields multiple talents---often used for actors and athletes.

Dreamy Richard Gere? He can play the piano and sing/dance.

Quarterback Doug Flutie? He can pass, kick and run.

--

Are you really good at your class? Really? Like rlyrly? Just PVE? Just PVP? Just one spec? Just one role? Zz.

My twink Mage Ukyo (who's been on boring flowerpicking duty ever since they killed noXP queues) wasn't the original Mage I rolled. It was during Vanilla WoW and the Mage only made it to the mid LVL20's before I deleted it (I forget the name.. let's pretend it was a Gnome named Foamaggedon).

I wanted to learn how to kill a Mage. I memorized the cooldowns and the DRs of their control spells. I learned how to strafe kite with Cone of Cold and rank1 Frostbolt (back then downranking just for the faster cast time and cheap mana cost). I then logged back on my Rogue and started you know, killing Mages with extreme precision. Hell, I only rolled a Rogue because Braids was having a bitch of a time against them.

The game has been out for quite some time, and the mark of a good player will always be well grounded by the desire and discipline to learn. The thirst to constantly learn, to never settle with what you've already notched into your belt, the drive to master and add new tricks to your repertoire.

I'm stressing this because there might be a day where no one will play WoW and we'll all be blogging about some other game, or some other aspect of life even. What do you carry over then? Your gearscore? Your rotation? Nope, it's how you process and learn things that will be carried over.

A server can be shut down but they can't take that away from you. A patch can kill a spec but they can't take that away from you.

So I'll ask once more---are you like rlyrly good at your class? That's sweet. There's 2 other specs, and 9 other classes. There's PVE, PVP, Arena, AH, farming, RPing. Don't lie to yourself thinking you're done, you've beat the game---no one beats the game. The game beats you though if you've fallen into the trap of contentment and your thirst to learn is numbed.

Do yourself a favor, go learn something.

World PvP and Arcane Mages

2009-10-22T02:08:00.007-06:00

This started out as a comment to this post, but it got too long.

A buddy of mine plays on a PvP server. He would tell me storeis of world pvp that sweep back and forth between South Shore and Tarren Mill. There are hundreds covering the field and sometimes the zone will be locked-down for the whole weekend.

I only play on PvE servers and I had nothing to top his stories: "Uh...well, I finally got the Delicious Chocolate Cake reciepe!"

If I were to tell a pvp story, it'd be that one time from TBC.

It took place at the secluded Black Temple summoning stone.

The top Horde progression guild runs into its Alliance counterpart.

Tension builds as both sides are awaiting the arrival of the last few raiders.

Then there it was...

It was awesome, because it had all the ingredients of the most epic world pvp encounter:

1) Faction Pride!

2) Faction Pride + Guild Pride! The finest of the Horde vs. la creme de la creme of the Allinance.

3) Bunch of confused carebears wearing 100% PvE gears and having no clue how to PvP.
=======================

After Ari said "I'm going to have to put together an incanter's absorption spec," I had to google Incanter's Absorption, because I thought it was some nerdy cultural reference that went over my head.

Let me tell you, right now, the Arcane Mages are on Fire (<== Look! Look! I made a funny!). Holy jeebus they are wrecking faces. How's about 13k on twins hard mode, hmmmm?

I love when they go boom chicka boom and split into five. Then they go boom shaka laka shaka laka....

Oh, and get this. Last night, the Ballin' Mage housed me on Jaraxxus. You know, the fight with BUNCH of DEMONS running around? It's supposed to be my house.

So, I send him a quick tell.

Me: dubya tee eff? how are you outdpsing me on this fight?

Ballin' Mage: huh? oh, I can spell steal his stuff. it increase my damage a lot.

Word.

The Ballin' Mage is a really humble and nice guy too. After he made me look bad, he volunteered to sit out for another guildie who wanted drops from the last boss.

Ballin' Mage: I need to go find page 27 of Green Hills of Stranglethorn anyways. GL guys :D

Box 'n Matches

2009-10-20T08:48:00.005-06:00

"Aw c'mon, we get to put on Blood Elf masks and eat candy---what could happen?"

--

Are you guys enjoying Hallow's End or whatever it's called? I'm not.

2 reasons.

One, having already finished all that achievementtitle bullshit, I now get to watch the masses lag up my Dalaran so bad with all the skellies, ghosts, lepers, wand selling and other nonsense. This wasn't so bad last year you know like in Shatt, a real city.

Dalaran is a crampedcubicle compared to Shatt. Do you guys throw wild Halloween parties in your cubicle? The Kirin (Wh)or should be ashamed of themselves---it took them 2 expansions to rebuild and raise Dalaran and what kind of realestate do they have to show for it.

A fucking box with some portals and a flightpoint.

--

Two, I feel bad for all cityvendors. Especially this guy:

Of course if you give out free candy by the bucket loads, things that are good for you take the backseat.

Braids and Rafa managed to walk by Applebough (with their whopping 3FPS) and he really shocked them. He had a matchbook in one hand, a look of desperation in his roots, and was mumbling to himself something incoherent.

Rafa tried to calm him down saying something like "it'll get better, have faith" and "Pilgrim's Week and Winter Veil will come soon, apple pie and cider will bring it back."

Braids was a little less patient---she said something like "you're fucked, kill yourself you sappy emotree" and "do it already so I can light my cigarette from your cinders."

The two ended up bickering and fighting.. and er, somehow in the scuffle the matchbook was immolated on fire, knocked out of Applebough's hand, landed on a nearby decorative pumpkin (setting it ablaze), which then was somehow kicked into several Wolvar children who shrieked and ran into the Alliance inn (tails on fire), crashing right into the bourbon and whiskey reserves on the nearend of the bar causing a minor explosion.

It took the full squad of the Kirin Tor firedepartment 2 hours (equipped with 11 Water Elementals) to control the fire. Tons of people were weeping for the injured. Braids wept for the alcohol that had been wasted.

Braids and Rafa aren't allowed to trick or treat in Dalaran ever again.

I like Vigilance

2009-10-18T01:07:00.027-06:00

Hai gusy!

Thanks to Ixobelle's leet html skills, I now have Posted by signature up top instead of down bottom. I like it. Isn't it such a subtle and elegant improvement to the page? I got the upgrade on Friday, but I haven't said anything, because I wanted to give you an opportunity to notice the change and compliment me on it.... It's now Sunday, and I can't believe none of you even care.

When you're wearing new perfume, I'll notice it and go, amg, is that Platinum Egoiste? Yes, I will. You know why? Because I care.
======================

I really like my new guild. There are several reasons, but I'll just tell you one thing. Hold on to your seats 'cause you're gonna cream your pants... Ready?

They always start the raid on time.

Yep yep. Not 7:15, not 7:05, not 7:01. They go at 7:00 PM zee dot. Plus, they have tabard and guild bank. Working on vent. Hoping to raid end game contents soon.

Oh, you know what's really interesting? They cleared everything in wotlk with warrior tanks. Both the MT and the primary OT are warriors. Cat druid goes bear on 3-tank fights.

Bring the player not the class!

The other day, one of the tanks put Vigilance on me and I almost cried. Vigilance goes pe-kiiiiiing and I love that sound. It's the sound of ultimate respect.

Warrior Tank: Hey Jong, your dps is so uber leet, I'd like some of that threat transferred to me.

Jong: Shaddup... just shaddup...you had me at pe-kiiiing. You had me at pe-kiiiiing.

...and then he took it away next fight and gave it to another ret pally. Stop playing games with my heart.
==========================

Check out the top dps on hodir fast kill.

Twenty five thousand. Them mages are dishing out insane dps and I LOVE IT. You know why? Because they're on my team. If they're powerful, they help me win. When I blow past everybody on jaraxxus, they whisper me, hey nice deeps buddy. They're happy. You know why? Because, when I own, I help them win. PvE'ers who call for nerf to other classes seriously boggle my mind... fucking hybrids! nerf them! .... Hey dummy, we're on the same team, remember?

========================

This is an old screen shot of my signature battle cry:

I thought this was hilarious: Hooray! Good job guys! Just hold on for another 10 seconds! 10.... 9.... 8... pewwwwwwwww KABOOM.

Seriously blizzard, take away the unsportmanlike conduct pussy pally bubble.

This one, I think we were talking about add-ons:

You Know I Used to be a Warlock

2009-10-15T07:37:00.005-06:00

"I was scared for a moment, but then realized I could just faceroll twice as good."

--

This is largely a throwaway post, I'm crunched for time. But it's an excuse to link my armories 'cause some of Jong's readership might not be familiar with my past.

You know I used to be a Warlock?

Braids unfortunately was relegated to alt status when WOTLK hit (even though she hit LVL80 first), but she has and always will be my favorite. I do casual Arena/PVP on the side when I find the time (hit 1800+ for S6) and the only PVE I can muster on her is selling Steamy Romance Novels on the AH---because taking money from perverts is always HEROIC and doesn't require a gearscore.

--

You know I used to be the fucking Hero of Orgrimmar?

It doesn't matter if Rafa is Alliance and Org is Horde. Org loves her like Anub loves fat kids eating cake who run slow during the burrowphase.

It's just how like Jong, even though he's Alliance and Human now, will still be sleeping with Blood Elf chicks from all over 'til he dies (of some disease). It's not Ret BE DPS, it's Ret BED PST.

Rafa is so loved as Org's hero, whenever she goes in there through the front gates she's swarmed by her fans---they won't leave her alone. It's an exhausting thing really being starinthespotlight, can't go anywhere without being followed. When she went in there during the Midsummer Festival to give her Hero's blessing on the city fire, she had to break off to the Auction House to try and buy Health pots---there was a misunderstanding and a slight scuffle with the auctioneers that made the tabloids.

I don't recall what spec/gear I logged her out with, but she's largely a Holy Pally Healing Bot these days..

--

Volvo Driving Soccer Mom by Everclear (embedding disabled by request)

//[na na, na na, na na, na na]

//you know I used to be a Warlock
//I got busy in the Basin and I Soulshard farm
//ya I used to summon Night Elves at the local Succ Club
//but now I know, my Light wings from my wrong

//ya ya
//I really used to be a Ret girl
//I had a 3's team with sir Uther and his Prot friend Tom
//I know I used to be a real Loot Whore
//but now I am, a Holy Pally Healing Bot

//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na]

//I really used to be a Warlock
//I got busted through possession of my Healthstone laced stash
//I used to love to Fear the things they tell me not to Fear
//but now I'm different, now I spam a Light Flash

//I really used to be a Ret girl
//I got fucked in Arena if SO-COM didn't proc
//yes I used to be a real Loot Whore
//but now I am, a Holy Pally Healing Bot

//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot

//woa woa, woa woa
//[where do all] where do all the Rerolls go
//when the Patch goes down [goes down]
//[I wonder where] I wonder where all the Facerolls go
//cause when ya have 'em they are nerfed to the ground

//I think they moved out to the Abbey
//and now they're Grid bound, middle class, Blizzpublican whines
//they all have Grid bound, middle class, Blizzpublican keybinds
//Grid bound, middle class, Blizzpublican lives

//where do all the Rerolls go
//when the Patch goes down [goes down]
//I think I know where all the Facerolls go
//now become, Holy Pally Healing Bot

//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot

//[na na, na na, na na, na na]
//[na na, na na, na na, na na] Holy Pally Healing Bot

Poker Faces and Lying Games

2009-10-13T09:00:00.001-06:00

"MUM-MUM-MUM-MAH BLOOD ELF P-P-P-POKER FASE."

--

When Jong told me that he factionchanged his superpopstar Pally from Blood Elf to Human, my panties dried up and a little of me died inside.

Don't get me wrong, Alliance is cool---and I'm Alliance as it comes, not one of those apologetic Alliance. To put another way:

I'm Alliance when things are going perfect, when we're winning the BG, Mage tables give nothing but candyandicecream, and every chest opens up revealing giftcertificates to Coach and Sephora.

I'm also Alliance when things suck, when we're losing the BG, when this Healthstone just fucked my calorie intake for the day, and everyone is blaming it on 12yr olds ruining the faction.

First of all, I never understood bashing 12yr olds with anything to do about winning/losing. 12yr olds don't make your faction lose, losers do. And unfortunately for the human race, losers can be any age.

This girl Momoka is a winner---she was 10 when she danced along to one of my fav Korean popsongs, 10! She's apparently 11 now and a synchroswimmer---and let me tell you when she hits 12, I'm going to send her an invite and we'll assault Blacksmith together through the waterside while the losers are still fighting on the bridge.

She's Asian, which probably means I'll have about 1 year of her on my Arena team before she has to quit and go fulltime into medicalschool because her parents may turn out to be ACHIEVMENTWHORES.

DISCLAIMER: Please note that she's an underage Asian girl in shorts, so if you're at work and someone catches you watching it, hope you either mumummummah p-p-p-pokerface like a pro or been sleeping with someone in the HR department.

You go girl.

Secondly, most factionchanges are spurred on by the "me vs them" impulse. And I don't mean Alliance versus Horde, but Alliance versus Alliance and Horde versus Horde.

Ever catch yourself (or hear someone else) saying, "well, the Alliance on this server suck" or "the Horde in this cluster can't win a single EOTS". This is a lying game.

If you're Alliance and you said the former, you are lying to yourself and trying to separate yourself from the Alliance---there's the "me" Alliance (notsuck) and the "them" Alliance (suck).

If you're Horde and you said the latter, you are lying to yourself and trying to separate yourself from the Horde---there's the "me" Horde (the one that can win EOTS) and the "them" Horde (always lose EOTS).

Well dear, that's a nice try, but you can't separate from your faction (well you can with $, but you just get thrown into the other faction). If your faction sucks on a particular server/cluster/whatever, it's probably because of you (don't I sugarcoat things so well).

Huh, me?
Yes, you.

No one likes to say something like the following:

"Hey, this shit is probably my fault---this faction sucks because I suck as a member of it. I have a shitty attitude, am terrible at learning mechanics and tactics, and don't have a spine. I have pride but it's not the sort of pride that raises the faction up when I win because I'll take credit for the win for my ego. When I lose, the faction can take the fall, it's all 12yr olds anyway."

Hardly anyone easily (and freely) says that sort of thing, it's the type of revelation that has to be surgically operated on by your peers, by strangers, by enemies (or maybe by Momoka MD in the future if she's not in the pool).

And because you don't like admitting it, it's easy to see how there are so many other people doing the exact same thing---every single person trying to separate "me versus them", playing their own little lying game where you fall into their own "them" category. That makes for a shitty faction, made loosely up of a lot of people under 1 banner with no integrity, character or comradeship to support it up.

--

What's worse is that it's not just a faction exclusive thing, it happens in every aspect of WoW and of life.

This PUG raid is fail!---well, if you're in it then you fail too, you're not treated separately when it's only convenient for your ego. And while the pug might fail once in getting the raid content, you failed twice, 1) for failing raid content and 2) failing yourself because you're still playing the lying game.

This country is fail!---and so on, you get the idea.

Miley, grant my mortal allies the power of thunder

2009-10-12T06:47:00.011-06:00

I never eat vegetables on purpose. I'll eat it if it happens to get in the way of whatever I'm stuffing my face with. I'll eat the lettuce on cheeseburger and chopped onions on nacho supreme.

I treat achievement points the way I treat vegetables. I don't mind achieving things by accident, but I get easily frustrated going after points that render no direct benefits to my dps.

If blizzard gave us, let's say, 1 Attack Power for every 100 acievement points, I would man-whore my heart out getting every achievement out there. But since they're just points, I dunn care.
====================

A few months ago, I thought the only 1 Light in the Darkness I'd ever see is the Princess Garden.

Last night, we got us new rides.

Here are the key points I took from the fight:

1) Let hatred and rage guide your blows. Yogg is a mean fucker. I already feel inadquate for bouncing on them clouds like snuggles fabric softener commerical bear. Why does he have to step on my self-esteem with hurtful condescending remarks?-- Weak minded fool!

2) Give no pause to your attacks.

3) Don't stop believing. More importantly, hold on to that feeling.

Remember Me?

2009-10-07T12:34:00.004-06:00

"Because apparently, inside everyone is a Blood Elf with Chanel Aviators just dying to get out."

--

Remember me?

If you don't, that's cool. Thorim remembers.

When Jong asked me if I was still interested in guest blogging once in awhile, he said, "Megs, I have 3 simple rules for you to follow."

Let's check them out:

1) This is FORBEARANCE, not outofmana (he really used all caps for his blog title and lowercase for mine, an obvious powerplay), which means no posting stupid songs or loudyoutubevideos that might get my readers fired.

2) You must start all of your posts with a banner/header of some sort to signify that it's you, not the illestretpally alive (upon saying "illestretpally" he did a Divine Storm IRL and almost knocked over a pregnant woman) that is posting to avoid any confusion.

The banner must be followed by some insightful virtuous saying or teaching, because here at FORBEARANCE (he did it again) we try to instill wisdom and lifelessons to our readers instead of that debaucheryandwhoring style of blogging that you sinfully are used to (no Jong, tell me how you really feel, don't hold back).

3) Never make fun of me.

--

So, now that I've broken all 3 rules in the matter of minutes, I'd just like to say hihi to Jong's readership base.

What to expect from my guest posts? Nothing much---my time is limited still (which is why I quit blogging in the first place) so I'm planning 2 random posts per week.

2 is a solid figure in planning. Usually you plan to have only 2 drinks, plan to only drink 2x a week, plan to only sleep with 2 strangers at one time (waitwut)---and we all know how those plans tend to work out.

2 in planning is usually like 3 in rules, BAHROKEN.

Purple Pixels

2009-10-04T05:33:00.007-06:00

The human body, when completely decomposed into chemicals and minerals, is worth less than one dollar.

If I were to cash out all the carbon, hydrogen, calcium, sodium, magnesium, etc. out of my body, I would need another 19 cents to buy me a Fruit & Yogurt Parfait off McDonald's dollar menu.

However, if you were to fearfully and wonderfully structure those worthless components into Jong, I am the illest ret pally, your favorite blogger, and my mom's precious loving son. I am priceless.

You see, the value is in structure, not components.
=======================================

Some time ago, I tried to tell myself that it's just purple pixels. Come on, let's be mature; it's just purple pixels. Still, for some reason, I continued to feel uncontrollable despair, injustice and anger when the ubber epic drop I've been after for so long went to someone less deserving of its glory.

Why do I feel this way? It's just purple pixels, isn't it?

After attending Dr. Phil's seminar, Relationship Rescue, I realzed that my attitude toward epic loots were extremely unhealthy.

He told me that the first step in becoming a classy looter is to admit to myself that it's not just purple pixels. When those meaningless pixels come together to form Justicebringer, it's no longer just pixels. It's my Justice Bringer. My Show Stopper. My Hope Ender. My Dream Weaver!

As I was coming to closure with my suppressed desires, I began to weep uncontrollably. Dr. Phil comforted me with his burly arm and galvinized my heart with his words: "It's okay buddy. It's natural to want it that badly. Furthermore, it is important to admit your feelings, because then and only then can you truly tell your friend Johnny, Hey Johnny, I really want the axe, but I want you to have it, because you're more important to me than the axe."

Hi. I hate maintenance days. I'm gonna go fix me some ramen.

2009-09-22T05:25:00.003-06:00

The guild I'm applying to has a pretty rigorous recruitment process:

1) written application
2) vent interview
3) 2 test raids
4) 3-week trial membership

I'm in the final phase. I think I'm gonna make it. These guys are great. Last week, I participated in their fist fire fighter kill. I love that fight. It's like Razhel beatbox break down. The beat, base, chorus, fire, mines, and shock blast all at the same time. The whole fight, I was telling myself, I am a butterfly. Yes, I am, because butterflies never die to shock blast.

I'm slowly getting acclimated to the alliance cultures. You know what sucks? Heroism sucks. The first time I heard it, I couldn't even hear it.

Hero in five!
3...2...1..... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Are you shittin me? What the belf pally vidal sassoon shampoo commercial anticlimactic bullshit is ahhh?

I'm not a machine. I'm an emotional being, so you've got to inspire me. Blood Lust goes GOO AH LAR LAR LAR LAR LAR LAR. We be flippin OUT, yo. It's GO time. Blow your cool downs and feel the power of Ninja Turtle base. go ninja go ninja go.

In other news, my orc warrior became a dwarf warrior. and he's northrend status. I love this guy. The thing is, when I'm on pally, I can't charge. When I'm on warrior, I can't heal myself.

The Origin of Mao-dun

2009-09-15T16:13:00.011-06:00

My kid brother Scutum is one the fiercest fighters I’ve ever seen, but he is rather uncultured and unrefined. I’ve been making efforts to expose him to finer things in life, because I don’t want him to turn out to be like our cousin Garrosh.

Today, after the calligraphy class, I took Scut to Thunderbluff.

Scutum: Jong, I think I drank too much ink. I’m dizzy. Isn’t Thunderbluff an Indian reservation? Are we scoring weed?

Jong: No. We’re going to pay tribute to the elders. I want you on your best behavior, okay?

Scut: zug zug.

My favorite elders were hanging out on the Spirit Rise, arguing over something as they always do.

Elder Twinklehoof: Yes, I DID.

Elder Spoontotem: No, you DIDN’T. You’re full of shit. It doesn’t even make sense.

THoof: I’m not lying. I DID TOO HAVE THEM.

STotem: Nuh uh.

THoof: Yuh huh.

These two elders are renowned old warriors who fought aside the founding fathers of Durotar. I visit them to seek their wisdom whenever I’m confused.

Jong: Hi guys, what are you two arguing about?

STotem: Hey Jong. Well, this old fool says he used to wield the [Unbreakable Shield of IMBA] and [Unstoppable Spear of ROFLMAO].

THoof: That’s right! My shield was so sturdy that no spear could penetrate it! My spear was so sharp that no shield could stop it!

STotem: See what I mean? How can the two things co-exist? You’re contradicting yourself with your lies!

THoof: No, I’m not!

Jong: Gentlemen, gentlemen, please….well, let's just find out.

STotem: Find out what?

Jong: Let’s see what happens when the Unstoppable Force collides with the Unbreakable Matter.

THoof: How are we going to do that?

Jong: I will punch Scutum’s face with my fist.

STotem: Great idea!

THoof: Yeah, let’s see it!

Jong: Scut, get in Defensive Stance.

Jong: Ready?

Scutum: Wait, wait…okay, zug zug.

Jong: hoooooo…. HADOUKEN!

WHAM

Jong: OW OW OW, my hand! My hand!

Scut: …

Scut: Sorry Jong, I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Jong: Yes you did you Anal [Chew Toy], you broke my fist with your face.

Scut: Sowwwwyyy. Are you okay?

Jong: No, I’m not okay you big-tongue baby. We tell orphan matron on you.
================================

The Chinese word Mao-dun, which literally translates to Spear-Shield, means self-contradicting or contradictory. The word arises from a weapons vendor who insisted that his shields were unbreakable and his spears unstoppable. The vendor was stompped when a bystander suggested to see what happens when he strikes the shield with the spear.

hakunamatata

2009-09-08T15:07:00.007-06:00

Here’s an advice to all clueless social rejects.

When you’re at the blackjack table, play the cards out under strict assumption that the dealer has a face card. You play this way to maintain the house edge at below 3%.

Similarly, when you’re interacting with others in wow, assume that all female belfs, including Ferraro, are 42-year old tax attorney from Cincinatti, Ohio. He’s bald. He has hairy nipples and triple-decker java the hut chin. If you were to lift his man boobs, you’ll find potato chips, movie ticket stubs, and all kinds of delicious grubs for Timon and Pumba. You play this way to keep yourself from pulling stupid shit like this:

Source: Sideshow & Syrana Friday Funny

===============================
I’m back in the game. I’ve transferred to a new server on the ALLIANCE side.**

Jong the belf pally is no more. I’m a human paladin now.

Human pally is excellent from the min-maxing stand point, but it’s terrible for blogging. It used to be… “Hellooooo, I’m a belf ret pally!”….that’s all I had to say, and it’d be hilarious. Now...Hi! I’m a human!… yeah, and? Humans have no personality. I think I’ll go dwarf.

**I changed server and faction to apply to an uber guild. My horde guild was uber too, but they raid 12 am – 3 am local time and I couldn’t commit to the schedule anymore.